So I FINALLY attended my 1st informational session. My foot is in the door. The way my surgeon's office works is that I have a list of things I must accomplish before I can even schedule a appointment with the surgeon. Once I have completed them all, then I will need to send in a completed packet to the office and wait for them to call me. The process seems kinda crazy, but the good thing is that I certainly can't rush into this without giving it plenty of thought.

I honestly believe that this decision has got to be the hardest decision i have ever made. Getting married, buying a home, having a baby, even choosing to have my entire thyroid removed...they were major decisions but I think they were obvious.

I just know that I need to lose this weight...and I need to do something now before it multiplies. I am just not comfortable in my own skin anymore. I hate how I can feel folds of fat touching other parts of skin...i hate the friction between my thighs and that they ruin every single pair of pants I own. I don't think I have co-morbities that coincide with my weight right now. But I know that if I keep going on as I am right now, I will get one.

I have chosen right now to only tell my husband, my mom, and a friend that I want to get the LB. I really don't want anyone else to know. While I do sometimes talk openly about being a fat chick to people, my weight issue is very personal for me. I am sensitive about it. It really sucks to have my flaw be so exposed to everyone. I don't like that people immediately know that I am lazy, weak, and obviously have food/body issues by just seeing that I am fat. I just don't think that alcoholics have to deal with that type of criticism since they don't have to wear every drink they ever had.

Well, anyways...I decided to tell my manager that I was exploring WLS. I only wanted to tell him because I knew that I would have to occasionally need to ask to leave work a little early for all of the doctor appointments and meetings I will need to attend. So I wanted him to know why. It was so incredibly hard for me to tell him...to the point where I had tears swell to my eyes. They weren't sad tears...I think it was my nerves. Well let me just say that I don't have a friendship relationship with my manager. He has no personality...i think he is part robot. So I told him that I wanted him to keep it confidential...even after I have it done. I was entirely embrassed after I spoke to him...I felt like a idiot. I just wish I hadn't cried. BUt I think that this is just such a personal thing to me...that I kinda got scared talking to someone outside of my circle about it. Makes it real.

My husband says that is going to support my decesion but he isn't too thrilled with it. He tells me that he loves me as I am...but I think he is just comfortable with who I am. However, I am sure he would love a hotter version of myself. He has been feeling insecure about it and thinks I am going to change the person I am when I lose some weight. I have told him that I am not doing this to change my life into something completely different. I love my husband, my son, my home , my life....I just want to improve it.