OK so here I am, 3 or so months past the hoidays when I practically ruined myself...and I am still in a holding pattern of somewhere between 216 and 222. WTF?

Then, last night I was watching TV and I had an AHA moment, a revelation...(key up the choir here)...lol

A commercial came on and it was for Chilis food chain....there were pics of burgers and all kinds of yummy fattening foods and everything, I mean EVERYTHING they showed on the commercials, I can not eat because of my band and I know I would PB. So I got to thinking about it...I am gaining weight (maintaining this higher weight) on the same 2 bad food choices that slide down the pipes....cookies and ice cream. NOT a variety of loads of wonderful fattening food, but the SAME 2 FOODS. Not even exciting to me anymore to tell the truth. So the only conclusion I come to is I must be retarded...I am standing in my way of my own success by cheating with the same things over & over again?!! It wasn't even FUN gaining some of this weight back. Oh at first it tasted good and I was like YUM YUM :thumbup:....now, I am just like purposely hurting myself and I just don't get it. Are you kidding me? So, now, what to do? Seems like now that I know I am doing stupid things I can just stop, right? :wink_smile: Seems to me the first step is getting rid of those 2 evils. That is what I am going to do. Wish me luck because right now I am at the crucial point. Things will either go extremely right or extremely wrong from here. I am an emotional wreck. So, if you are reading this, pray for me...I need it. I need my mind to heal and I need to forgive myself for regaining some weight and start over. I will let you know what happens. I know I can not do it alone but sometimes I feel like I have burdened enough people with my dieting (or lack of it). Jesus help me.

PS to the newbies...no disrespect, but please spare me your views on the subject...no I do not need a fill. For you all I can say is remember the band is a tool, not a cure. Best of luck!!

Tracy, you know how I feel. I've been at a plateau for months now.. almost a year actually. I gained 13# and lost the 13#, but nothing since. The lady that got me onto lapband info and had hers done a few weeks after me has lost 115#!!! I've lost 60# and I think that's great until I think about her and then I get discouraged. And then when I think it's been 2 years and that's only 30# a year!! BUT.. we are all different. I'm not her and you're not me. You need to take care of you and not worry about the scale or how everyone else is doing. Get rid of the things that are hurting you. concentrate on protein. Cheese, meat, yogurt. Don't make cookies if you can't resist them. Don't buy the ice cream. Let Frank take Macy out if they need it. But YOU need to take care of YOU! YOU are the most important part of the lap band journey. Do you know how awesome ALL of us would be doing if we were close enough to exercise together, call for someone to spend time with us when temptation calls, just be near each other???? But we're not and we really have to be true to ourselves. We have no one to answer to but ourselves. So keep on keeping on. Don't let it get you down. Just like an alcoholic, it's one day at a time, one meal at a time.

Love ya!!!!!!!!

I wonder if it is like 'cutters', or some other disorder where it's not that you enjoy it, it's that you think that's what you deserve (to eat ice cream that you no longer even enjoy, just cause it'll keep you from your goal).. or just mindless eating. Or blah blah blah.

You understand the problem, now get it out of the house. If Macy or Frank want some, have them hide cookies, or get a single cone when they're out so they don't tempt you. You can do it girl!!!!!! I know you can. Out of sight, out of mind.

I WAS BANDED 3/18/09. IT'S BEEN 3 WEEKS. INITIALLY I LOST 4 LBS WITHIN 1-1/2 WEEKS FOLLOWING SURGERY. NOW I'VE ACTUALLY GAINED. I AM FOLLOWING EVERY RULE AND THEN SOME. I WEIGH OR MEASURE MY FOOD, EAT 3 MEALS A DAY WITH NO MORE THAN 1C EACH AND DO NOT SNACK BETWEEN MEALS. I EITHER WALK OR RIDE MY EXERCISE BIKE ALMOST DAILY. I DRINK 48-64 OZ OF WATER A DAY. I CALLED MY DR AND THE NUTRITIONIST TOLD ME TO CUT BACK TO 1/2C PER MEAL. I'D STARVE. I HAVEN'T HAD A FILL YET. I GO FOR MY FIRST FILL 3/24/09. ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR THIS 62 YR OLD FRUSTRATED LADY? MY GIRLFRIEND HAS LOST MORE WEIGHT ON THE DR PHIL DIET & IT DIDN'T COST HER A FORTUNE.

I sorry you're struggling so much. When things are working well we take it for granted it will continue. When things suck it's hard to see a way out.

Try to acknowledge all the good you have done. You're a better person for all the choices you have made. Even the putzy ones for eating the ice cream. Try to figure out what you are good at; Walking the dog? Motivating new bandsters? Setting small term goals (for a day) not long term ones? Expand on the positive.

Let go of the negative self talk. We are all struggling. We have to be kinder to ourselves.

[[HUGS]]

Amanda

Y'know Tracy, I don't know what the hell is wrong with us but I can't help but think that SOME DAY we'll get motivated again, all warrior-like, and the best news of all is that the band will be here for whenever we are ready!! :wink_smile: So that's cool, right?

AND... good lawd...just think....how much you think you'd weigh today if you had never gotten the band??? Let that thought roll around in your brain for awhile!!

It's all good!...and we're still awesome, incredible women, friends, wives and mothers no matter how much we weigh! So don't lose sight of what really matters, ok?

I love you!! XOXO

Funny how we can get addicted to stuff that hurts us, huh? I guess a food addict is better than a meth addict? I dunno. Laura-I agree with what you said its like another form of cutting. Thanks for saying that because it opened my eyes up even more.

I know all of you ladies are right. I really do not know what I would do without you all.

Tracy,

Interesting read. I'm going to say a prayer for you and the next enter I see will probable be a goodone. Thanks for your honesty.

I want to tell us all that we have come this far; dont stop! Doo whatever you can, by any means neccessary smile. to make sure you are encouraged and meeting your goals. We can do this lapband world.

Please pray for me as I pray for you