March 10, 2009.

As cliche' as it may sound, I am looking on today as the first day of the rest of my life.

I have been overweight for 31 years and have had some form of pain or medical problem since I was 22.

My youngest is twelve yrs old, almost thirteen. He is pretty much self sufficient and I have decided...it is my turn.

I absolutely love my husband, my children, and my family. I have done what I can do for others most of my life. Now is my time.

It is almost 8:00 a.m. and my surgery isn't scheduled until noon.

I miss my coffee, even though I have been on decaf (coffee, tea, & other drinks) since the end of January. I still crave the taste of coffee. It is my soothing moment in the mornings.

I am thirsty. I was told I could take my Blood Pressure pill and I am waiting about taking it as long as I can because they said I could have one sip of water with that. When my throat is so dry, I can't stant it, I will take my pill with that one blessed sip allowed.

I am 43. Haha. It seems funny because on the inside, I do not feel 43 at all. I have never really felt my age, even through the pain and troubles with arthritis.

I have always thought ... am I really really that old?

I remember when my mom was 43, :wink_smile: My daughter was three. I was pregnant with my second child, Kurt. Not even planning on Kyle, yet.

Every year seemed to add weight to my history that I am glancing back at now. I worked so many hours, trying to give my children a better life. Being the wife of a man that was disabled and didn't care about himself much anymore, much less the well-being of his family. I was married to him for seventeen years and was the sole wage earner and provider for the family during that time.

He was diagnosed and put on disability right after we were married. Yes, I knew he had a seizure disorder, but you know what they say about Love being Blind? Well, we were both blind. I was already overweight at the time, not as bad as now, of course. He had seizures. We were in love and got married when I was 17. I was working two jobs by the time I was 19, and did so for many many years.

Not able to breast feed my children and create that bond, I always had to return back to work as soon as possible after giving birth.

I still have, what I consider, and absolutely amazing bond with all three of my children.

My oldest two have become friends as well as grown children. :thumbup:

My mom and I have a great relationship, also.

Everyone is behind me on this, they all want me healthy. I hope this works out well and it is not a bumpy road.

I think I have the will power to do this.

CORRECTION: I KNOW I HAVE THE WILL POWER TO DO THIS.

Today is the day. Just 4 short hours away. One hour till shower time. :smile: I am counting now...counting down.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, ......... 1 last chance to save my life.

I hope I can keep this journal of my journey active, along with my lifestyle.