I have been thinking about my band and my life. With a 7 hour drive home after my (3rd) fill there is alot of time for thinking.

I know that this monster I fight called obesity is a tough one. I have started to look at how it has affected my life.

Although my weight did keep me from doing a few physically active things with my family I have found that it was the emotioinal and psychological damage that my obesity caused that hurt the most. I would use my weight as a reason not to go out with my family. I wasn't comfortable sitting on the bleachers watching a game and if my kids were playing I would go to watch them and leave as soon as I could. I thought that no one would want to socialize with me because I was so obese. Sometimes I put it off on others. I judged them as unfair because I just knew that they were judging me.

Since I have lost over 70 lbs in this short time I have come to realize that I was holding myself hostage. It wasn't my weight that was keeping me from socializing. It was how I felt about myself because of my weight. It was how uncomfortable I felt in my own skin and how uncomfortable I felt with how I looked.

Having the gastric band procedure has helped me change a lot of my habits. It has helped me change what I eat and how I look at food. I have learned that I feel better when I eat healthy food and that portion control is just as important as food choices. I learned that it took me about 3 months for this to become a lifestyle. I have learned that I may lose weight by following the rules, but I will lose it much more quickly and at a rate that I am happy with if I exercise at least 3 times a week. I have learned that I am not perfect and every day is a new day to make the right decisions. I have learned the difference between head hunger and real hunger.

I think the one thing that Dr. K told me that has helped me more than anything else is when he said, "Don't eat unless you are hungry." I am a smart person. I know that is the way it should be, but hearing him say it just made it click in my head. Now if I want to eat something I ask myself, "Am I hungry?" If the answer is no I go back to what I was doing. I started that the first day of my pre-op diet and I ask myself that question every day. Sometimes I even find myself thinking, "Boy I wish I was hungry so I could eat that!" This band is not a magic pill. I am working hard for what is happening, but I know without the band it would not be happening. This is the best weight loss tool I could ever imagine!

I love going to my fill appointments (and not becuase of the 14 hours I spend on the road in a day.) I love it becuase the staff is so wonderful. You (Natalie) and Mary make me feel welcome. You have since the first day I met you. Even before I met you when you answered my email on a Sunday night! That meant a lot to me, when I reached that point that I just had to do something and reach out to take that first big step to contact your office.

When I come in for a fill Dr. K looks and my weight loss and says "Great! Do you think you need a fill?" and then he really listens to the reasons that lead me to believe it is time for a fill. His extensive experience and his low price made this dream for me come true. I never thought, being self pay, I could afford this with a hubby and 3 kids. Dr. K made it possible!

So I have to say thank you.

Thank you for giving me my life back! Thank you for helping me to take my life back.

Julie Ann

Surgery Oct. 29, 2008

Start/Now/Goal

285/210/142.5

Excellent post! It really hit me, and I hope it only takes me 3 months to make it a lifestyle change. And "I wish I was hungry..." still sounds like magic to me. -BG

Julile Ann,

I had my surgery with Dr. K. on Nov. 24 2008. After seeing your posting on the LabBandTalk site, I came to your blog to find "the secret" to your success. I was working my way backwards from your most recent post and found this letter. It really hit me too.

Somehow, I keep looking for a magic solution; I keep looking for the "secret" to succes. In fact (like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz), the power has been with me all along! The band isn't the magic wand, but rather it is a tool - just as Dr. K. said it is. My job is to work WITH it and not expect it to work all by itself.

I have to keep in mind that every time I put something in my mouth, I am making a choice. So why would I try to work around the tool that Dr. K. put in place? (And I paid so dearly for). Like you, I have to condition myself to live with my new, unhungry self. This is so new to me.

Thanks for sharing so much on your blog - you are helping others with the struggle of our lives!

Mary

I cried when I read this! Julie, You are such a wise and dear person. You have blessed me with your blog! Thank you!