3/3/09 Better Late than Never
As you know, I've only had to lose a little weight on my 6 month diet (OK, stop cursing at my ‘plight’, pity-party going on here). This weekend I started thinking about how I’m now close to the end, and I’m terrified of going straight from barely a diet to a pre-op diet with no preparation. I’ve done my research, but I haven’t been able to put much into practice.
So here’s what I decided yesterday at my 5th Monthly weigh-in…I’m going to start a more strict diet…Woot! OK, it’s the ONLY time I’ve ever been happy to diet…ever! I’ve never been one of those dieters that goes into a new diet feeling happy about it. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t enthusiastic and optimistic, and I wouldn’t say miserable, just not ‘happy’. You know those people…they’re at their 50th WW meeting still happy to be on the diet, even if they’ve only lost 1/8 of their excess weight. Not me…I’m enthusiastic, but I’m the one who by the first WW meeting has already plugged into my calendar how many pounds I’ll lose each week and when I’ll be at goal so I can stop the diet (and I do just that). Yeah, I get that’s probably why I’ve never kept the weight off. I did GREAT at a few diets I’ve been on and have lost major weight, and did fair at all the others, so I can follow a diet, but not for one moment was it a happy experience. You’d think in all the hundreds of pounds I’ve lost over the years would have created a few happy diet moments…nope…even when I’d lost a ton…I felt like I was starving the whole time, so happy about dieting…nope.
My ‘body dysmorphic disorder’ (found that one on the internet) doesn’t help either. For some reason even with major weight loss I’ve never felt great about it. Eight years ago I was on Atkins and lost down to 160 for my youngest sister’s wedding I was in…I HATE my photos from her wedding…I think I look fat. Here I am about 90 pounds heavier than that, and I feel exactly the same...I don’t ‘see’ any difference, and I don’t feel any fatter than I did then, so actually, I guess you’d say I see myself as thinner than I am now. I’ve got plans to work on this…it’s called a camera…if I can see the changes, I’ll embrace the changes.
So yesterday I started the LB rules/diet. By the time I get to my pre-op diet, in about 6 weeks, I’ve made the decision NOT to call this a diet. Diet’s have an ‘end point’ for me, and the Lap Band doesn’t, so I’ll officially be starting a lifestyle change. I started using my tracking site yesterday and I had trouble even setting a date for my goal weight, because I was back to ‘end point’, so I gave myself 2 whole years from my surgery to lose the excess weight. My plan is to set more aggressive short term goals, so when I lose faster than that graph I can always feel good about it. I’ve also made the decision to eventually eat as ‘normally’ as possible so I don’t feel deprived. Oh, I’ll follow all the rules (remember I’m a good dieter), but I’m hoping at this point not to be one of those Lap Banders whose still drinking daily protein shakes and counting every calorie a year out. How in the world does that get you away from a food obsession? That’s not a way I can live, and I need a lifestyle change…something I can live the rest of my life with. I get that I’ll be doing whatever works at the time, so for now, while I need to learn all the rules, I am counting everything; my measurements, calories, carbs, fiber, protein, fluid intake, timing of fluids before/after meals, exercise, and I’m measuring the food amounts so I’ll know what ‘a cup of food’ looks like for post-band. I’m just happy to be starting these changes now…FINALLY!
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