As you know, I've only had to lose a little weight on my 6 month diet (OK, stop cursing at my ‘plight’, pity-party going on here). This weekend I started thinking about how I’m now close to the end, and I’m terrified of going straight from barely a diet to a pre-op diet with no preparation. I’ve done my research, but I haven’t been able to put much into practice.

So here’s what I decided yesterday at my 5th Monthly weigh-in…I’m going to start a more strict diet…Woot! OK, it’s the ONLY time I’ve ever been happy to diet…ever! I’ve never been one of those dieters that goes into a new diet feeling happy about it. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t enthusiastic and optimistic, and I wouldn’t say miserable, just not ‘happy’. You know those people…they’re at their 50th WW meeting still happy to be on the diet, even if they’ve only lost 1/8 of their excess weight. Not me…I’m enthusiastic, but I’m the one who by the first WW meeting has already plugged into my calendar how many pounds I’ll lose each week and when I’ll be at goal so I can stop the diet (and I do just that). Yeah, I get that’s probably why I’ve never kept the weight off. I did GREAT at a few diets I’ve been on and have lost major weight, and did fair at all the others, so I can follow a diet, but not for one moment was it a happy experience. You’d think in all the hundreds of pounds I’ve lost over the years would have created a few happy diet moments…nope…even when I’d lost a ton…I felt like I was starving the whole time, so happy about dieting…nope.

My ‘body dysmorphic disorder’ (found that one on the internet) doesn’t help either. For some reason even with major weight loss I’ve never felt great about it. Eight years ago I was on Atkins and lost down to 160 for my youngest sister’s wedding I was in…I HATE my photos from her wedding…I think I look fat. Here I am about 90 pounds heavier than that, and I feel exactly the same...I don’t ‘see’ any difference, and I don’t feel any fatter than I did then, so actually, I guess you’d say I see myself as thinner than I am now. I’ve got plans to work on this…it’s called a camera…if I can see the changes, I’ll embrace the changes.

So yesterday I started the LB rules/diet. By the time I get to my pre-op diet, in about 6 weeks, I’ve made the decision NOT to call this a diet. Diet’s have an ‘end point’ for me, and the Lap Band doesn’t, so I’ll officially be starting a lifestyle change. I started using my tracking site yesterday and I had trouble even setting a date for my goal weight, because I was back to ‘end point’, so I gave myself 2 whole years from my surgery to lose the excess weight. My plan is to set more aggressive short term goals, so when I lose faster than that graph I can always feel good about it. I’ve also made the decision to eventually eat as ‘normally’ as possible so I don’t feel deprived. Oh, I’ll follow all the rules (remember I’m a good dieter), but I’m hoping at this point not to be one of those Lap Banders whose still drinking daily protein shakes and counting every calorie a year out. How in the world does that get you away from a food obsession? That’s not a way I can live, and I need a lifestyle change…something I can live the rest of my life with. I get that I’ll be doing whatever works at the time, so for now, while I need to learn all the rules, I am counting everything; my measurements, calories, carbs, fiber, protein, fluid intake, timing of fluids before/after meals, exercise, and I’m measuring the food amounts so I’ll know what ‘a cup of food’ looks like for post-band. I’m just happy to be starting these changes now…FINALLY!

You are a mess... I love reading your blogs... Funny how I thought you had already been banded when I first joined this site. You are everywhere on here! You sound like a professional dieter, like me... I am so anxious for you to get banded & be one of us. You are so inspirational and you havent even made it there yet! Good luck and I will keep up with you...

LOL...yep, I'm a mess, but I intend to be one HOT MESS soon! Yea I've got a lot left to learn, don't I, but I'm not afraid to ask for help...HELP! And if there's anything I'm a professional at, it's dieting (glad to meet another professional!). Come to think of it I think this is the only time the past 30 years that my weight has been stable within a few pounds...and I have insurance to thank for that...can't wait to get off this roller coaster!

"Everywhere on here"? Really? You must have just (luckily tee-hee) happened upon me because I only average a post a day, all I have time for is trying to keep up with my blog up and I try to read/answer as many others blogs here as I have time for. Great peeps here, all the support I could ask for...so important when you don't have others you're sharing this with.

Thanks for the support! I'll be joining you soon! -BG

i get banded tomorrow 3-4-09 i am very anxious and excited.. I hope everything went great for you.. Good LUck!

It’s so crazy how much you have said that hits home . I’m also doing the 6month diet but in reality I have not done anything truthfully I just got ringed by my PCP because I gained 5 lbs .. so I have promised myself no more excuses I will not blame anyone for my failures which I have. my husband eats whatever and its so hard to eat healthy . But I’m just going to have to do just that EAT RIGHT ! Plus today I went and paid for my gym membership . So with all my optimism I will also do my best and truthfully lose those 5lbs

And at the minimum stay where I was before . The surgeon said that I don’t need to lose weight but I do have to stay at the same weight I was when I went to see him . So goodbye 5lbs . And maybe if I work had enough maybe a little more but I will not hold no unrealistic goals . So I must say thank you because before reading your blog I felt so guilty . But knowing that im not the only one

Good luck tomorrow acrowell78! Let me know how it goes!

kennedy- Here's some motivation for you...I saw a girl here denied for gaining 1 pound over the 6 mo. I also saw one who made it all the way to the hospital and her surgeon cxld the surgery until she lost some weight. So let's diet together now! It shouldn't be hard for us to at least stay about where we started, if not, lose. I call my DH Mr. Skinny Ass...he can eat anything, buy some new foods that you like that are healthy and EASY to fix so there's always something to grab. And guilt is my middle name (it comes with growing up Catholic)...just send it all my way and I'll carry the guilt for you. March on...and get to that gym! It's the beginning of our new life and we have to get in shape to enjoy it!!! Keep me posted! -BG