So, I am sitting here looking at my chewable aspirin, my chewable calcium supplements, my chewable Gas-X and my Benefiber. I went shopping yesterday for some of the things I know I will need.

I am currently a functioning Carb Nazi - I stive to erradicate carbs from the face of the earth. So far, I am doing well on that - but having just a smidge of trouble with the fat thing. South Beach is harder for me than Atkins was. On Atkins, I would eat all the cheese I wanted. I was good a finding delicious low-carb cheese that I could eat plenty of and stay within my 20 gram carb limit. This fat monitoring business is a pain the ass. I can live without sour cream. I can live with less Mayo (I mean if you can't make sandwiches, it has limited usage, doesn't it?) but the cheese thing is rough.

So I am already breaking the diet... sort of. I guess I am doing Atkins instead of South Beach.

SB allows Beans and stuff - It's way more complicated than Atkins. You have to think about it too much - so I just won't, I guess. I will just do a lower fat version of Atkins - Ketosis is ok, for right now. I mean, the point is to get the liver to suck all the fat out of itsself, right? After the surgery, I will eat "normally" again eventually - and ketosis can't be any harder on my liver than anything else I have done to it, over the years of eating every rich creamy delicious thing that brought me to weigh well over 300 lbs... :mad: Can you say "Total lack of self control?" Sure y' can...

DH surprised me yesterday. We were talking about him studying the doc's info so he could prepare appropriate meals and he said maybe if he were going to get the surgery, he would read up on the stuff. In one sense, it just means his ass is too lazy to read the stuff, (he wants me to just tell him what to cook) but in another sense, it means that somewhere in the depths of his psyche - he has actually considered doing it. That is good news. DH also tops 300 lbs - and although he is much taller than me - and weighs LESS - he is still MO and Diabetic. I am hoping that if I do well and have few complications, he might actually consider it in his conscious mind. He is ten years older than me - and I worry about him almost as much as I have worried about myself. How cool would it be if the surgery did for his Diabetes what it has done for others. I guess I will just have to be a model bandster, a rabbit, and make it look easy while I am doing it. (um, yeah. sure. whatever.):paranoid

I am in that Obsession phase of my weight loss journey. That's good. But that is also a standard pattern for me. Here's the pattern:

1) Irene freaks out about being MO and decides it's time to finally do something (for about the 50th time - but we won't go into that now).

2) Irene finds the diet du-jour and begins to follow it with fervor - the model, nay the very icon of the plan (whatever it is). Obsessing over every calorie, carb and fat gram, exercising, and actually losing weight.

3) After two-three months (MAX) Irene get's bored? Gets tired? Get's afraid of being thin? I still don't know exactly what it is that causes it - but that is when I start to lose it. Maybe that's when my natural OCD tendencies have just run their course? It just seems like so much WORK to keep it up. Of course, that's usually when the weight loss slows down - so maybe it's a reward issue. Once the rate of weightloss gets dramatically lower, what is the pay-off for all this work? Hmmm.

My hope is that with the band - this cycle will be changed. Well, it will practically have to change.

My own fervor will carry me through the liquid phase and all the healing. By the time I start to get discouraged, it should be time for my fills to begin - and Doctor Fox seems like he won't be shy about giving them. Besides - I won't be able to eat the volumes that I have eaten with the band. It's not like I will be able to suck down half a pizza in a sitting. (Like I can EASILY do now...) Besides I will have all the LBT folk to keep me sane. I really will have NO excuse for becoming a drama queen about all this stuff. I have absorbed a whole boatload of info over the last several months. I know I will suffer some post op depression, I know that I will have food mourning issues, I know all that stuff - But I suppose knowing it won't make it any easier. :rolleyes

Of course, my biggest fear is that I will slip or erode or something. I guess it's just the luck of the draw on that stuff. I am going to have to just suck it up and count on the Luck o' the Irene that has carried me this far. Good Karma pays off. I guess I had better get out there and spread some more good vibes. I will need them back, say in about 3 months!

8 days to lift off.....