Insomnia rears its ugly head. I was wondering when my old friend would show up. I can't believe how quickly the surgery is approaching. Four more days and I will be in the operating room. I have these moments of pure terror and other moments where I feel nothing but calm.

Yesterday morning I went to St. Mary's Hospital to get all my pre-admission testing done. I haven't been to that hospital since 1992, when my Grandmother passed away. When Mom & I walked through the corridors it struck me how absolutely nothing had changed since that day. Even the plants in the waiting rooms were the same. I broke down crying, it brought that horrible day back so vividly.

While we were sitting waiting for my tests to be done I realized something HAD changed. ME. And certainly not for the better. Suddenly, I wasn't as scared or embarrassed. I actually felt something close to relief. Maybe even pride. I was relieved to finally be doing something about my weight and my health. I was finally putting ME first. And I was kind of proud that I was taking this very brave step! What a strange sensation!

By the time I was done with all the tests and paperwork, and we were walking out of the hospital, I felt so good. It was as if my Grandmother was all around me and letting me know everything would be ok. Or maybe it was just me taking the first step to finally loving myself. Either way it felt good.

But of course, I still have the pre-op jitters. Hence my 4 am blog. :blushing:

Hello and congrats on making that first step. My name is Michelle and i was wondering is your hospital St.Marys in Long Beach Ca.?

Oh and may I ask who is your Dr.?

Michelle

Shelly, That's GREAT!!!! I don't know you, but I'm proud of you. You'll do fine on op day. And that's the best way to start your new journey....loving yourself and putting yourself first for once. It's never the destination that is so wonderful, but the journey there. So, remember to slow down and enjoy the ride. Life is so much better when you can appreciate it. I wish the very best for you and by the way it was probably both....your grandmother and you loving yourself.

Gretch, thank you soooo MUCH! Reading your comment was like a big ol' hug!!

Thank you!

Shelly

Michelle,

Hi! I am in Arizona. Dr. Monash is my surgeon.

Hugs,

Shelly