feel like crap today. guilty crap. basically no exercise this weekend. ate crap. and paying for it.

what the hell is wrong with me? why cant i get a grip on myself? please please this fill i have on wed work and get me back to a good place.

i feel so gross today. i swear i can feel the fat roll growing under my chin and around my waste. its terrible and disgusting. its so gross to look at myself, its so gross to feel this right now.

i have not felt this gross and nasty for the longest time.

i have a lot of hard hard work ahead of me. i can not keep doing this. its not worth the hell i put myself through. with this fill in a few days i will have some much super needed restriction. i can get my head back to where it needs to be. i will start exercising right. i know i can do this. hell, i was doing it and i know it works. i just have to get back to that me, not this sluggish, down, icky me. i dont like this me...this FAT me again! i cant believe i let myself get here again. i was so close! so close! so close to goal. and here i am, not so close anymore. god i must be stupid. but no point in doing this self-bashing. i have to keep going. i have to start over and just work it again. i can do this!

Well you abuse yourself when you over eat or eat the wrong things and now your going to verbally abuse yourself. Stop it and learn to love you with all your faults and short cumming love you. You have to be positive and when you fall off just dust yourself off (know your self worth) and get back on board. Its a hard fight and you need all the help you can get. Write down the things that trigger your eating and see what it is you can change. Make a consious choice everytime you puT something in your mouth. Tell yourself how good you feel after a good workout (you might not feel that now but keep telling yourself that and you will) tell yourself how much more satisfying a healthy meal is. Stroke yourself just as hard as you bash yourself and you will win this fight. GOOD LUCK MICHELLE