And what a fun day it was. I had already had the abdominal u/s so all I had to do was the bloodwork, nurse's interview, EKG, chest x-ray, and upper GI. What a load of fun all those were. Bloodwork was ok, I just have the worst veins known to man. Seriously, my husband keeps offering to get me new veins for my birthday (he feels sorry for the techs to have to get my blood). This woman was fantastic and got me the first time. Way to go blood lady (I can't remember her name but she had a cute pink teddy bear scrub top on)!!

Then it was on to the Nurse's interview. This was fun because I got to finally see what time I was supposed to be at the hospital (6:30am) and all the pre-op stuff. They are having me wash with the special antibacterial soap twice before surgery. She told me it would leave my skin feeling sticky but that it will go away after a few minutes, however, she did say it would make my skin an orange color. How lovely!! I'll have to wear coordinating socks to go with my orange glow!! Jaundice has nothing on me!!

Then it was off to the X-ray people. I feel sorry for them, no outside lights (not many lights period), I would have to imagine they would spend their days off outside as much as possible. OK, for those of you who have never done an upper GI (you lucky Dogs!!) be thankful, for those of you have God Bless You! I tell ya, that was pretty gosh darn bad. They give you what they call "crystals" to put in your mouth (they seemed kinda like really really really sour pop-rocks) and then they give you some water....yeah like a half an ounce. Then they tell you..."ok this will make you want to burp but don't burp".. What the heck?? :ohmy: That's like giving someone a diet coke on an empty stomach and telling them not to burp. The word bloated does not begin to describe the sensation you are trying to deal with... then the topper...drink the barium.

Barium, let's consider that word for a moment... when you hear the word barium what do you think of? Dessert? Flowers? Warm spring days? No, you think Bury 'em. And believe me you would probably rather they just go ahead and bury you. That stuff is like milk of magnesia on crack. And here's the best part...they flavor it. Reallly, why flavor something called barium.

Ok, so moving right along. After you get the barium (shudder) you get x-rays taken of you swallowing it. Not so bad except for the barium..and the fact that you are standing in front of an x-ray machine trying to drink (and drink, and drink, and drink) and hold the bottle of barium out of the way. Graceful it is not.

Talk about graceful, here comes the really graceful part. Here I am a 337 pound woman on this 2ft wide slab of something cold and they are telling me "roll over on your side, now immediately on your stomach, now on your other side, now on your back." This does not sound bad until you realize that they are done saying the on your back and I'm still trying to figure out how to roll on my side without rolling off the table. I decide to just go for it and will my poundage over to my side...suddenly the table shifts. Seriously, the table moved while making this horrible grinding noise.

Now, let's talk about this for a minute. Here I am a huge woman on this slim slab and it's moving a making a grinding noise. Several things went through my mind. First: Oh gosh, I broke the table. Second: This is my first table breaking episode (although I have been known to break chairs now and again, just the cheap ones that you get at outdoor weddings). Third: I am so fat that I just broke this skinny table. BUT, the x-ray people just kept going on like nothing had happened. This left me very confused (and still trying to figure out how to turn) because if this was a design mechanism in which the table was made to move and grind when large 300+ pound women tried to roll over on it, THEN THEY SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT!!! Seriously, please let fat people know that what you are going to have them do may sound like the table is breaking but not to worry it's made that way.

Ok so back to rolling around on the two foot slab. I finally get on my side. WHOOO HOOO! Then low and behold they say, roll onto your stomach...Ok stop right there. Here's some background, both my mother's and father's side of our family are well endowed...very well endowed. This trait was passed down to me. I am (on a good day) some where past an I cup. So here I am on the table (two feet) and they say to roll onto my stomach. My first thought, and I kid you not about this, was "what the heck do I do with my boobs?" Seriously, this is a hard table, there's no give to this table, if I were to roll onto my stomach my head may not be able to touch the pillow. Unfortunately they had continued on with instructions and I had to keep going so I flung myself over onto my stomach (grinding noise once again) and laid there. Suddenly the tech shoved a bottle into my hand and told me to drink the barium. What the heck!! I already drank the barium, as a matter of fact I had downed the whole dang bottle (I really thought that I was supposed to drink it all and then I was done drinking...big mistake...huge). Nope I was back to drinking barium but this time they wanted me to do it laying down. On my stomach. With my boobs threatening to cut off my oxygen. Seriously, at this point I considered hopping off the table

(side tangent: isn't that funny, hopping off the table, this is an action a skinny person can do, however I do not suggest anyone over the weight of 220 trying it without medics nearby)

and asking one of these techs to show me exactly how you lay on your stomach, drink BARIUM, and breathe.

Finally, it was over. They did the chest x-ray, which, after all I had been though was refreshingly easy, and told me goodbye.

Whew. What a morning, but I feel good that I have one more think to do marked off my do to list. I have the surgeon appt this afternoon and then I get a c-pap machine on Thursday (that will be another post)

Hugs everyone!

Christy

OMG!! Christy, you made me laugh so much I CRIED!!! I will definitely think of you if I ever have to do that before my surgery!! Thanks for the laugh!!

Spud Mama

I figure I may as well enjoy the ride while I'm on it. You gotta look on the bright side.

Christy