Today is two weeks from my surgery date. This lap band journey started only two weeks ago, but my weight loss struggle (ok, journey) started over 20 years ago. There is a range of emotions and thoughts going through me now as I strive to mentally prepare myself for this major life change. The surgery is just a moment in time, an event like a wedding. You work and work and prepare and plan, but it's over before you know it. What's left is you and your new husband and the road ahead. Although you know others who are married, you never know what its really like, how challenging it really is until you have your first major fight or have to make a major adjustment to your routine or way of doing something you've always done in order to accomate your husbands' needs.

I know my life is about to change in a major way. As I sat in the park last night eating a fried pupusa and drinking a chocolate rice drink, I think to myself that this won't be possible again after the surgery. It's bittersweet. Intellecutally I know it's the experience of being in the park with my husband that is the most important and not the food, but something inside also feels sad. I mourn for the loss of this life that has brought misery yet strange comfort so many times and celebrate what is to come.