What is it that makes us view our bodies in such a distortion. Everytime I have lost significant weight I have always considered myself still fat. And when I was at my highest weight I didn't realize I looked so bloated and large.

I mean, it is stupid things. Like before I lost I would only look at myself from the chest up, like my huge butt and stomache wasn't really there. I actually thought those long loose tops hid the bulk of my body. Swollen legs and ankles, only look at your feet in the mornings and then they didn't exist.

Health concerns, no problem, they have a pill for that. High blood pressure, they have a pill for that. Except for me it was three pills. Diabetis, they have a pill for that too. Except the pills were not working and my sugar kept creaping up. Cholestrol, no big deal, I am still young and THEY HAVE A PILL FOR THAT. Heart Attack, they do bypass for that. Fatty Liver - okay now that made me stop and think. Liver transplants. Maybe I need to rethink.

No one tells you or maybe they did and I didn't listen, okay I know they did and I didn't listen, about what is going to happen a few years down the road if you continue at that weight. I thought I was young and I still had plently of time. Plenty of time to loose weight, plenty of time to start walking. Plenty of time left to get healthy. Bad things only happened to other people, I was fine. Now what was it that ex husband said, repulsed, disgusting.

New Hubby, accepted me fat, kind of like it was okay to be me. Okay to be fat, okay to be thin, okay to eat, okay to over eat or under eat. Never belittled me, sneak eating was a thing of the past. If I wanted it, I could finally sit in front of someone and enjoy it. Sneak eating lost it's hold. So maybe it would be okay, okay to change, okay to discover a new way.

And now, here I am. I have worked my butt off to loose what I have and I still have more to loose. How did it get this far? How heavy was heavy enough? How much time did I loose?

I try to look at myself different now. Try to acknowledge my progress and accept my body as it is. I know I can't go back in time, tell that stupid person that they would end up with saggy hanging skin. But this time I can be different. I can look, really look at me and see progress. Any progress is better than before.

Now, if I sit just right and look down at my thighs I see slimness. I cannot believe how much thinner they look. But then if I look at them from another angle I see all the hanging skin and they look quite large. I can look in the mirror and see the difference in my waist, in my arms, are there less dimples in my elbows?

Where I end up I don't know, but I'm in it for the long run. I know I will have hanging skin. But, at least there is less. Less stomach, less face, less neck and arms and don't forget the tush. But also, most important, I mean the MOST IMPORTANT, my health is better. When I think that I could have died from a heart attack or complications of diabetis.

The band gave me time. And since I will be around longer I think I will accept my body this time, for the first time in my entire life. I may have a hanging stomach and varicose veins, but I now have a strong heart and liver.

I think I will dance at my Grandson's wedding in twenty years.

Great blog! I've been saying the same thing...I think we have a distorted view of ourselves. Just 8 years ago I had dieted down (again) to 160 for my sister's wedding. I felt exactly the same way then as I do about my body and now I'm 86 pounds heavier. How in Gds name could I possibly look the same? I know it's not true, but even looking at photos I feel the same. It was helpful for me to read your blog and see that you're changing your self-image. I hope that happens for me as well. I want health most, but a better self-image would be a bonus! -BG

Debbie, I know just what you mean. I have lost 50 lbs and I think I look now like I thought I looked when I started. I get these comments from the girls at work. They say...Oh you are so skinny. I still weigh 234 and THEY are skinny. But compared to where I was it is a big difference. I made sure I was in pictures this Christmas so I wouldn't start to fool myself into thinking that I looked so good I could start to fall off the wagon. Well the pictures worked. I'm already getting the mentality that makes me hold up clothes and and say there is no way it will fit THEN IT DOES!

The band is the best thing I have ever done for myself with the exception marring my husband and having my family! (But it right up there!)

Okay girls, I'm there too. My friends will say "Hey Skinny". OMG! I am sitting at 220 I can only imagine what I looked like when I started this journey. Must have looked like a mansion because I feel like I look like a house! I know I am shrinking because my daughter can get her arms around me now and actually grab her wrists to give me the best hugs ever! I know too, that I, we, can not fall of of the wagon. We went through a lot to get on that wagon mentally and physically. Good luck to us!

Hi Debbie, thank you for writing such a sincere blog. We have the same story, ex husband do not even like the sound I made when I ate...never mind when I snored.......New Husband married me at my heaviest have the wedding pics to prove it..groan. However we are going to renew our vows in a years time. I am being banded on 6th Feb. New Husband married 5 years now and greatest blessing. Good to know that there are men out there that see who WE are. Also help to heal us with this distorted image of ourselves. I pretended not to look behind me so long as the front looked good that was fine. Yes Good Luck to us All and many blessings to you for your story. Keep going......