The other night my mom brought home fried chicken (Church's), fries, mashed potatoes w/gravy and those yummy biscuits. This was day 3 post-op. I was so angry and sad at the same time. Anger because "How dare they (family) do something like that!!" Sad because it was at that point I realized I can never satisfy myself with food again. No more shoving chicken, chicken tenders, pizza, steak, huge salads, sandwiches, potato chips, anything down my throat again. I suddenly realized that this band isn't something I can just give up because I am "tired of doing it". I really second guessed what I had done. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!?! I thought about this and thought about this. Even into the next day when I was making breakfast for my family (bacon and eggs). It took me a while to get over the loss of Food.

It wasn't until late Sunday that it hit me. My anger and sadness wasn't because I was leaving food. Actualy, It wasn't anger or sadness at all. It was a tantrum because I couldn't have as much as I wanted. I couldn't eat 3 or 4 slices of pizza and have 2-3 pieces of chicken, etc because it is available and I want it. I couldn't be home by myself from work and munch in private on anything I wanted. I couldn't gulp down a drink because I am thirsty. I couldn't do what I had been doing all of my life!:confused:

Once I came to that realization, I came to this one....I can still enjoy food. I can still try things. I just can't go crazy. I just can't have the same portion size that the old cheryl would have.

This is all going to be much larger of a change than I had anticipated. I didn't realize how much I loved food in large quantities. Now I am focused on size in a different way. I am focused on portion size and will have that nickel that the patient advocate at True Results suggested. She said "take a nickel with you wherever you go. When you sit down to eat, place the nickel above your plate. This serves as a reminder that that is the size of bite you can take." At the time, that didn't make any sense to me, but today it makes total sense. That and take time to enjoy my meal. Savor the flavor instead of inhale the plate.

Though I am just entering my mushy phase I am retraining my old self to a new way of thinking.

I thought I would share this with ya and get it out of my head an into cyberspace.

Cheryl

Congrats on getting banded. I get mine on Thursday. My pre-op diet is for 10 days and all I can have is full liquids. Its soo hard to do cause I have 5 children and my friend had came over with chinese food n I could of died!! I was like cant u see im starving over here! But I guess it is something that we all must go through. It must be true it is a MIND THING. And also I came to realize that my family has to go on and eat like normal. It is not them that had this done!

So best of luck to u!!

Joanie

yoco28

I felt the same way after I got banded. I was so depressed that I couldn't eat the way I did before. But I am over it now. I realized that I did this for a reason and I should not beat myself up.

WOW....That was a great post. Let me tell you it was like I was reading all about me and what I've been going through. I have to say that I agree 100%. Today I actually cried. I couldn't believe what I had done to myself. Anyway, I did come to the conclusion that this surgery was necessary for me to live longer and a healthier life. I'm glad I did it. It's just tough just being on liquids for so long. Can't wait to be in the mushy stage. I think I'm ready for the mushy stage, but I'm waiting. Don't wanna jump the gun and make a really bad choice.

Well, thanks for that post. It was good.

I was banded December 22nd. I chose that time because I didn't want to take the time off from work (I'm a teacher,) so the first day of Christmas break, I was READY. I knew that making it through the Christmas season meant that I could make it through anything. I have to say that my family and friends were great! They were so concerned, always wanting to wait to eat, or go to another room, but I was fine. I had lived HELL with my eating disorder (compulsive overeater) for years, and I was ready to do whatever it took to be rid of it. Even, now, after I've gone back to work, my coworkers are like, " how can this NOT bother you?" I tell them that I've waited my whole life for this chance, and they have no idea how badly I want this.

I did call my mom last week. I told her that I was just so sad at times, and had no clue as to why. She hit the nail on the head. She said, "well, I would imagine it's because you don't have your food anymore." It's like being an alcoholic, and once you don't have your food anymore you have to figure out how your going to deal with everything; anger, happiness, boredom, stress, sadness, fear, insecurity...all of it. I didn't realize how much I "used" food until I didn't have it. I'd get up and my first thought would be;eat. Watch a movie at home;eat. Go to the movies;eat. Shopping; eat. Visiting friends;eat. Driving to and from;eat. You just have to retrain your brain. I promise, it gets easier.If you're determined enough, you can do it. Hang in there!

BTW, I think it was sh*tty of your family to do that with the chicken. Good for you, staying strong like that!

You will eat again, just alot less. You'll be full anyway, so you don't miss it . At least I don't.