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Why are NEGATIVE comments easier for some people to make?

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julie.ann

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1/3/09

I can’t believe it has been so long since I’ve posted. Well my family did come. The entire first day no one said ANYTHING about my weight loss. After 45 pounds gone and not one word! DH tried telling me they were just too tired to. I couldn’t believe it. About noon the next day dad said something. Then they said oh, yea they noticed right away. I asked why if I gain 2 lbs on they apologize and asked if I gained weight. It goes something like “I’m sorry, I know you don’t want me to ask, but have you gain weight?” HELLO! :crying:When I asked why they make negative comments so quickly about my weight, but not positive comments my mom seemed kind of set back and honestly said I was right. :thumbup:

This is how we grew up. Looking back I wasn’t BIG growing up. In high school I was heavy, but not big. My grandma would tell us we were so big and overweight and needed to eat less and exercise and my parents seem to agree by omission. They never stuck up for us. I’m not saying I am the perfect mom. I have to work at not making comments about my daughter’s weight. She is overweight, but not big. Kind of like me. I don’t want her to follow in my footsteps. I work at saying positive things and biting my tongue when a stupid comment wants to slip out. Sometimes they do. I’m not perfect, but I apologize for saying something so stupid.

Anyway….I am finally off of the stupid plateau that stuck around for two weeks.:thumbdown: I know Christmas/New Years snacking didn’t help matters much. I am down 47# I hope to lose another 3 to make it an even 50 by the time I get a fill on Friday. I would like to have lost 100# by my birthday in June. Getting to onderland will be great too! If I lose 2 #/week I will be there by May. If I lose 3#/week I can be there in April. I hope the plateaus go away till then. I think part of my problem was that 45# seemed like such a big number for me to lose and I am feeling good about myself that I started to think I could ease up a little. I guess it isn’t a bad thing to slip off the wagon every now and then. I have to find my commitment and I think getting of the plateau will do it. I promised myself no matter what I ate or how little I worked out I wouldn’t skip a day on the scale. I know weighing in daily isn’t for everyone, but it helps to keep me accountable. At 8:00pm at night when I’m not hungry, but want to snack the thought of getting on my Wii Fit and weighing myself at 6:30 in the moring helps to keep me honest. I also see how my actions affect my goals. I like the Wii Fit because it graphs it all out and tells me my BMI. I don’t work out on it much because I have been hitting the gym every day that I can. Some weeks that is only 3 or 4 times and every once in a while I get there 5 times.

I have started a Valentine’s Day challenge and have set 15# as my goal. Someone on one of my groups make the comment about size 9 in ’09. :scared2:That seems like a HUGE goal to set since I haven’t worn that since jr. high. (I guess…I really don’t remember wearing that small of a size.) I have always told my kids if you want to succeed then you have to aim high. If I hit my goal this year I will fit into that size 9!

Good luck to everyone and I hope each of you reach your 2009 goals!

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1/3/09

I can’t believe it has been so long since I’ve posted. Well my family did come. The entire first day no one said ANYTHING about my weight loss. After 45 pounds gone and not one word! DH tried telling me they were just too tired to. I couldn’t believe it. About noon the next day dad said something. Then they said oh, yea they noticed right away. I asked why if I gain 2 lbs on they apologize and asked if I gained weight. It goes something like “I’m sorry, I know you don’t want me to ask, but have you gain weight?” HELLO! :crying:When I asked why they make negative comments so quickly about my weight, but not positive comments my mom seemed kind of set back and honestly said I was right. :confused:

This is how we grew up. Looking back I wasn’t BIG growing up. In high school I was heavy, but not big. My grandma would tell us we were so big and overweight and needed to eat less and exercise and my parents seem to agree by omission. They never stuck up for us. I’m not saying I am the perfect mom. I have to work at not making comments about my daughter’s weight. She is overweight, but not big. Kind of like me. I don’t want her to follow in my footsteps. I work at saying positive things and biting my tongue when a stupid comment wants to slip out. Sometimes they do. I’m not perfect, but I apologize for saying something so stupid.

Anyway….I am finally off of the stupid plateau that stuck around for two weeks.:grouphug: I know Christmas/New Years snacking didn’t help matters much. I am down 47# I hope to lose another 3 to make it an even 50 by the time I get a fill on Friday. I would like to have lost 100# by my birthday in June. Getting to onderland will be great too! If I lose 2 #/week I will be there by May. If I lose 3#/week I can be there in April. I hope the plateaus go away till then. I think part of my problem was that 45# seemed like such a big number for me to lose and I am feeling good about myself that I started to think I could ease up a little. I guess it isn’t a bad thing to slip off the wagon every now and then. I have to find my commitment and I think getting of the plateau will do it. I promised myself no matter what I ate or how little I worked out I wouldn’t skip a day on the scale. I know weighing in daily isn’t for everyone, but it helps to keep me accountable. At 8:00pm at night when I’m not hungry, but want to snack the thought of getting on my Wii Fit and weighing myself at 6:30 in the moring helps to keep me honest. I also see how my actions affect my goals. I like the Wii Fit because it graphs it all out and tells me my BMI. I don’t work out on it much because I have been hitting the gym every day that I can. Some weeks that is only 3 or 4 times and every once in a while I get there 5 times.

I have started a Valentine’s Day challenge and have set 15# as my goal. Someone on one of my groups make the comment about size 9 in ’09. :scared2:That seems like a HUGE goal to set since I haven’t worn that since jr. high. (I guess…I really don’t remember wearing that small of a size.) I have always told my kids if you want to succeed then you have to aim high. If I hit my goal this year I will fit into that size 9!

Good luck to everyone and I hope each of you reach your 2009 goals!

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Your family seems to be a lot like mine! My family actually asked IF I HAD LOST ANY weight.. That was AFTER i had already lost 51 pounds and had given them some of my clothes to wear that were TOO BIG for me now but seemed to fit them fine. They acted like I was lying about it or something! Family can hurt you quicker than anybody. Luckily, I have a good man at home that loves and supports me at any weight/size and in any endeavor i undertake! Count your blessings! I married one of my biggest blessings and gave birth to 2 others! Keep up the good work!

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I think my family likes to say something when I gain weight because they think it shows their concern for my health. The don't say anything when I lose because then there isn't as much concern. I know it isn't right, but my father doesn't even usually say anything, he just looks me up and down....I know what he is thinking. My boss does the same thing. It is down right humiliating.

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It's amazing when I look back at my pics as a kid. Always being called fat or husky or something negative. When you are young your brain programs itself to think you are fat. I was perfect. I n my 3 years in the service I was called fat. I look at the pics and see a great looking guy. I was 5'10' and 194 lbs. solid running 5 miles a day plus exercise. Well those people must have finally got to me. After 2 work injuries, the last leaving me permanently disabled, between the meds and being stuck in bed I blew up to over 350 lbs.. I get my Lapbanb on 1/15/2009 and never again will I allow the world's negativity affect my feelings for myself. I'm not the victim here, I am in control and I am ready to regain it. Let's reprogram in '09 that we are looking fine!!!

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Wow! I ached for you as I read your post. Sounds so much like my family, which I haven't seen in many years. I finally stopped visiting because of the way they treated me due to my weight. My father used to go outside and bring in a bench from the picnic table set for me to sit on because he was afraid I would break one of his kitchen chairs. They would watch me like a hawk when I ate and tell me when they thought I had enough.

I hoped they'd be thrilled when I told them I was having LB surgery and yet, it's been 3 months and they haven't even asked how I'm doing.

My in-laws are kind of clueless too......I saw them for the first time since my surg. 3 months ago and even though I've lost 36 lbs and am down a pants and shirt size, they said nothing.

Oh well, at least I've got my immediate family and they've been so supportive of me. I keep telling myself that they're all that matter and I thank God every day for their love and support.

Hang in there cause we're with you and celebrate every milestone with you.

Way to go, TPB!!!! That's the spirit and I can't wait to hear about your journey!!!!!!!!

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