Yesterday was the worse New Year's Eve I have ever experienced. My Sister-In-Law was just told by her Doctor that she has Lung Cancer. It is in her lungs, bronchi, trachea, esophagus, on her adrenal glads, in her lymph nodes and she has something on her liver. She also suffers from headaches, so now I wonder, is it there too? She goes for a biopsy next week.

So there I was, wrapped up in my own life, my husband's company just moved and he lost his job. At 50 and in this job market prospects are not that great. Sister-In-Law was sick, complained about a cough and headache. Said it was her sinuses. I even took her to the ER once. They gave her more meds than you would believe. Vicodine and cough syrup up the gazoo. And what did I do, I thought she was exaggerating to get attention and out of work. A drama queen, a princess.

And now I feel like crap. I went over to her house yesterday, swallowed my pride, and became the real person I know I am. I became compassionate, understanding, and took control. I read the report and tried to the best of my ability to explain all the "medical speak" and put it into terms she could understand while still giving hope. I told her today is the start of her new life, the past is the past. She was scared, who wouldn't be, and thought she was going to die. I saw my duty to give her hope, encouragement, but also to tell it to her straight. She has the fight of her life in front of her and she needs to be strong.

How could I have been so wrapped up in me to allow myself to become so bitter and uncaring? Where was my compassion before this? I am ashamed of myself.

Here I have lost all this weight, but I need to keep the authentic self I fought so hard to find. I need to count my blessings. I had a heart attack, but it was small and now that I have lost weight and my cholesterol is down, I am only going to get better. I am exercising and eating right. Pat on the other hand is looking at chemo, radiation or even death. How horrible, to know that cancer is raging through your entire body. How scared she must be. At least I have my family, my husband, mother and daughter. Pat only has us.

I need to find balance. I need to do for me, but I also need to be there for Pat. Somehow I think helping her will help me.

2008 - 59 pounds, who knows what 2009 will bring.