I have tried many times to figure out why my friends aren't happy for me.

Here is my conclusion: women see other women for the most as competition, whether it is cooking, the clothes you wear or the car you drive. Not all women feel this but there are still a few people that may be within your close circle who will not understand the plight of your fight and that’s okay.

Just remember to limit the information you give them and you won’t have to hear it again. They can still be a friend but not a buddy.

A buddy is someone that’ll go down in the trenches with you and get dirty then climb out and extend their hand to help pull yourself out.

A buddy will remise about the many battles you’ve fought together over the years and laugh or cry together and then celebrate your victories time and time again.

A buddy can be male or female, husband or wife, brother, sister, mother, father, son or daughter.

A buddy is a person you connect with and even at times when you don’t understand what the other buddy is going through, you try to be empathic and listen as long as it takes your buddy to overcome his or her struggle.

What is the difference between a friend and a buddy? A friend will scoop you up and take you to the hospital after fighting a fierce battle; a buddy will go to battle the ground with you and fight with love and a whole lot of prayers.

Question: What is the difference between a friend and a buddy?

I can't tell you how much I agree with you! My "Best" friend is always trying to make me feel bad about my efforts. Before I was banded I talked to her about having to change our social time to non food related activities but she still insist on eating at my favorite restaurants. She and I have always been about the same size, in fact she has probably been a size smaller than me so getting banded has certainly caused some insecurities for her. There are many times I feel sabotaged!!

Hi Tracey,

I have a friend that had G-bypass about 10 months ago and I admit that I really didn't want her to have the surgery at that time because she was so sick that I was not sure if she was strong enough to pull throw it but as I told her, "your Dr. knows far better than I do".

After her surgery she had a horrible time with vomiting and nausea. She vomited so much you could smell her approaching (I know that sounds gross) but true.

I offered my help and support to just come over and sit with her or take her out for a drive. Before her surgery every time we went out we stopped at a restaurant at some point even if it was just to chat over a cup of coffee. She seemed distant after she fully recovered but we are still friends.

Truer words were never spoken, so let the hate and backbiting begin! It’s jealousy and insecurity, plain and simple. The damage that we inflict upon our own sex is far greater than any damage that men can do. When you’re a big, beautiful, intelligent, charismatic, vivacious, woman, I think that’s fine with other women as long as you stay “big.” The minute you start losing weight, the big women feel jealous and betrayed, and the thin women feel threatened. You watch; the only women who won’t have a problem with you are the ones who don’t have all that contempt and loathing in their hearts. The secure woman is the one who will be there to celebrate your victories. In the meanwhile, just try to discern who is who, and try not to take any of their sniping to heart. True friends are so rare, to everyone else; forget about them. You can’t make everyone happy, so don’t worry about it. If you’re a good and decent person, and you’re not hurting anyone, then what you choose to do with your life is your business. Keep striving for your goals, and don’t let anyone make you feel less of a person for it.

Positive breeds Positive.

Healthy thinking brings a healthy body and mind.

Only letting those people in who want whats best for you is going to help you on your path to the healthier you! You're doing great!

Agree 100%. My closest friend is a size 4 and 10 years older than me, and she has not been supportive at all, which was very shocking to me. I just always thought we were such good friends, you know :confused:. Every time people say things like "oh, you're gonna look so good" or "you already look good, I can't imagine how pretty you'll be when you lose weight" ... I notice her face just changes, so I don't feel so good being around her anymore. I know I've been avoiding her a bit, but I'm just so disappointed. I don't wanna be a "bad" friend myself, but I just can't help it...

Bubblegum,

No better words could be spoken into the ears of those longing to hear wisdom.

Thank you,

Ann

Rafa2,

Its okay to feel this way, you would be lying to yourself if said it's okay or I don't care. Your feelings are just that "yours".

It's better to put a little distance between the two of you for as long as need to... this way you won't end up saying something that may destroy the relationship completely.

Don't give up on your friendship, she need a little time to adjust too. She’s most likely not accustomed to sharing the spot light. Let her know that her friend is changing on the outside and becoming healthier on the inside and for that the two of you should celebrate your new approach to life.

Thank you for posting,

Ann

I just don't waste my time with women who aren't "sympatico". You know the saying "there are other fish in the sea"? It works for girl friends, too. I have my BFF who's been my buddy/pal/best friend for over 45 years, and I have other really good friends I've made along the way. Otherwise my life is just to busy to waste it on negative jealous people! Why bother?

My closest friend weighs what we did in high school and has been there for me when I was HER size, and when I weighed three times as much as she did. That's part of being a friend, I think. If you closest friend isn't supportive, then in my book she isn't a friend. Honest, yes. Straightforward, you bet. But once you commit, as in to the lap band, she ought to be there for you.

I agree with you, when I told my "best" friend, she I have always given in to vanity and I should really think twice about doing it. Wow! It is shocking sometimes to find out what people really think about you.

I have not mentioned anything about my surgery since May of this year; we still talk all of the time.

Why do I feel I have to keep this a secret from my best friend? Honestly, I really don't want to tell anybody my discussion after her reaction, only my "close" family members know that I have made a firm decision and have a surgery date.

Always given in to vanity!?!? I almost spit out my water at that one! Did you slap her? Ok just kidding. mostly.

I don't blame you for keeping this private. Let her wonder. and stew.

Your words are true but I believe it's about sharing the spotlight! No one wants to share it when they have had it for so long. And our friends may say things that they really don't mean. I was the worst critic when my best friend got gastric bypass about 3 years ago. I just felt like she wasn't big enough, and I knew she was going to be waaaay smaller than me. And our weight problem was the meat of our friendship! LOL! So, I thought! Well after 3 years, I decided to get lap band because she looked soooo good after a while and was able to keep the weight off after so many years. I had so many failed attempts at keeping weight off! Soooo I said all that to say...I have been the one to say negative things when someone is doing something to better themsevles. All because I didn't want to be a big girl all alone! Now that I have been banded for 7 months and my weight has slowly began to fall off ... she is supportive and my ROCK!

She helps me understand my issues and progress with the surgery. I soooo regret the things I said to her because I was ignorant to WLS. So although our friends say things...be patient... all they need is time to accept the NEW US! We will look so good they can't, HATE forever! They will come around! LOL! I did! And even jumped on the wagon!

You ALL are so right!!! I constantly get negative vibes from women. My mom and I was just speaking on this yesterday....it is really sad that other women won't celebrate others! But I am going to remain the same confident women that I am. I would rather not have girlfriends, because they are very envious at some time or another and I one that can go to work, dinner, and to a movie alone and be as happy as I can possibly be. And I thank God for that. Ladies you all are beautiful so continue to shine!!!!

God bless