My name is Julie and I am a food addict. I thought I had my problem under control. I thought that I had learned so many lessons that I could jump back on the wagon if I ever took a little sip from the bottle…so to speak. I had a Christmas party to go to on Friday. It went okay. Not great. I had a half of a dinner roll. Except for an occasional thin crust pizza I have not had any bread of any kind for 2 months. I didn’t even want to know if it would go down. It was a dinner party and they served steak. If it wouldn’t have been for the drink I had and the bread with butter I would have stayed under 1000 calories and been okay with the carbs…but I did eat and drink those things so I guess that’s how it is. The next day comes and I weigh in and I lost another 0.9 lbs. I realize that it will probably take another day to see the damage on the scale. I did good at breakfast and took my lunch to class with me and I was a very good girl. Pizza for supper…not so good. Today I have screwed the pooch….so to speak. (Can I say that here?) It is Sunday which means I am home all day and the gym is closed. Sundays are my hardest days! I ate leftover pizza for lunch and then …..we made Christmas cookies. I feel like a toad for the first time in a month! I half heartedly did a cardio Firm work out for 30 minutes today. Not a great work out.

Oh here is the kicker…Are you ready…I was only 0.2 lbs away from my New Year’s goal. The gym is closed Wednesday and Thursday this week and next week. I want to go out and eat everything I can get my hands on. Almost like a last supper before I hike my butt up back onto the wagon. I’m not going to. I have to hit the gym in the morning if I can get up though. I have class tomorrow night, so I can do it then. It would have been better it I had gained a smidge back after eating badly just to teach myself that I can’t get away with it. I have to go back to those lessons I thought I learned.

1. DO NOT EAT UNLESS YOU ARE HUNGRY or unless it has been 5 hours since your last meal.

2. PROTEIN FIRST then you can have your HEALTHY side dish.

3. STOP EATING BEFORE YOU FEEL OVER FULL!

4. DO NOT EAT BETWEEN MEALS

5. DRINK YOUR WATER but not during or right after meals.

6. YOU WILL NOT SEE THE RESULTS YOU WANT UNLESS YOU WORK OUT!

7. Getting the lap band doesn’t make you lose weight. YOU STILL HAVE TO EAT HEALTHY AND EXERCISE!

Time for a reminder Julie!

Eating is for survival! It is to get enough nutrition to live. That is its main focus.

It is not a reward.

It does not console us.

It doesn't take away boredom.

It doesn't listen to our problems.

It is a fair weather friend....actually not even a friend at all. It is that bi*chy girl in jr. high that we thought liked us, but only pretends to until she can stab us in the back.

Memorize it! Put it to song. Make up a dance…I don’t how you remember it… LIVE IT!

Okay you addict, get your big butt back on the wagon! Stop putting it off. Remember YOU ARE AN ADDICT! Oh you were so proud of yourself for 2 months. Well the jokes on you. Two months is not enough to give you permission to go back to your crappy eating. It only took two months to take off 45 lbs. I bet it would only take 2 months to gain 45 lbs. Didn’t you have some NSV along the way? Remember what it felt like to sit in a chair and feel like you didn’t know what to do with your fat stubby arms except cross them over your too big belly? Remember how it felt when your husband put it arms around you and you felt like he had to try too hard to hug you? Remember the first time you crossed your legs in YEARS. Maybe not as comfortable as you want, but you did it without even thinking. Remember putting those size 22 jeans in the give away and lounging around the house in the size 18 jeans. Remember putting on the shirt that hasn’t fit you in years. Do you really want to be back to that person that you see in all the pictures that have been taken of you over the past years? Remember when you started out and your goal was to feel comfortable sitting on the bleachers watching your kids play ball. Have you even thought recently that you have felt more comfortable doing that? What is more important to you? A slimy greasy piece of pizza and doughy cookie dough that sits in your stomach and makes you feel like crap or feeling great about yourself. What is more fun? Seeing how long you can go in between meals without getting hungry and being surprised by how little took away your hunger….or greasy butter garlic bread with a bowl of sodium filled tomato sauce. You are paying $265 a month for 5 years to have this tool to help you be healthy. You are so cheap…do you really want to throw all that money out the window for a crappy meal that will make your chest hurt and your feet swell again like they had been up until a month ago?

Go to bed now and when you wake up you need to decide what you are going to do with the rest of your life. Are you going to live the life of a “user” or as someone in “recovery.” It’s all your decision Julie. It’s up to you to be a wonderful, healthy successful person who loves not only life, but herself as well!

Julie, you go girl. You can do it. I'm only at my 5th day after banding and i am straving.....sometimes thinking what did i do? Food has been my loving, well not really loving, as you said, compion for so long. It is hard for me to give it up especially at night. Reading your blog has helped me. We can do it because we know we have to inorder to ive the way we want.

Good job! You 'schooled' us all! I'll be back to read this when I fall off the wagon. Notice I said when, not if. I've learned here that this happens to everyone, we're all addicts, so we need a plan for what we do "after". Thanks for this...and please tell me you went to the gym today? -BG

Thanks guys. Keep working at it Glenny. When you get to move to soft food it makes all the difference! Thanks Groupie. I have class on Mondays right after work. I am going to try to make it to the gym for 30 minutes...but I can't be late to class. I'll keep your words in my mind all day. Thanks!

Here’s a little sad, yet joyful story for you this Christmas season. Once upon a time I lost 75 pounds on Weight Watchers. I looked great. I wasn’t at my goal yet, but almost…I wasn’t a fat girl anymore. I wasn’t “sick” anymore. I DID NOT having an eating disorder any longer. I threw out all of my “fat” clothes. I was “cured”. I was “fixed.” I was wrong. I not only gained all of my hard earned lost weight back, I gained 60 pounds back in a year! A year! If that doesn’t SCREAM eating disorder, then I don’t know what does. I spent the next five years beating myself up for gaining the weight back. I would say to myself regularly, “You could’ve been there by now.”

Believe it or not, I learned so much from that experience. I learned that life goes on, and that except for the people in your life who really, really love you; no one really gives a rat’s a** (as we say here, in the South,) if you’re fat or thin. And for the people who really, really love you; thank God that fact never changes. I learned that being a fat girl and being beautiful are NOT mutually exclusive, and I learned that the minute, the SECOND that I thought I was “fixed”, was when my very own, lovely eating disorder kicked the crap out of me! But the most important thing I learned was that I have the ability to “get up.” When, my food knocked me square on my fat butt, I GOT BACK UP!

So, here the hell I am! 8 hours POST OP, and I’m on my feet! I’m ready to fight! And although, I will never say “never,” I will say that it is extremely unlikely. So, join me and GET UP! You better do life, or it will most definitely do you! Brush yourself off, girl. Stand up, and don’t EVER remember where you came from.

Welcome to bandlandia Wendy! You are right. We can never think we have this thing "beat".

Hey Band_Groupie. I made it to the gym today. Thanks for being the voice in my head!

Good Job :-)

Hello Julie, thank you for that!!! I really needed that. I got mine on Oct 10, just a few days before you. I was 320 when I started my pre-op diet and 300 the day of my surgery. I have lost 87 lbs and I got tired. I have been sittin on my ass for a couple of weeks now. I haven't exercised yet. I know I really need to start. Thanks for kickin us both in the tail.