Well, after all this time of waiting, I am finally scheduled! The longest part was trying to get my weight history from the last 5yrs. Fortunately I was never a sickly person but then that means that I don't have history from anything within the last 5yrs either...well, except for 2007 and this year. So, I had to write a letter to my insurance company instead. Luckily I was blessed with a little bit of writing skills.

I had been 2nd guessing my decision because I kept thinking..ya know if it's just eating small portions and exercise, well, hell I can do that on my own! I don't need this surgery-LapBand is the easy way out. So this mentality took over in about June-when I stopped my pre-lapband work ups-So I tried it. I watched what I ate and exercised a little. It was going great for about ohhhhh...3days. Then I decided I don't need to diet, I am fine being me! Then my husband asked me to go to the waterpark with him. I made up some lame excuse about not feeling well and he went with his family and without me. I stayed home and cried. What have I let myself become? I didn't go out anymore. We hadn't been on a date in forever. I am so paranoid that people are watching me wondering how much I weigh or what I am going to eat. My hubby thinks I am beautiful but I look at myself and all I see is my double chins, big arms and huge stomach.

My hubby and I sat down and talked about it all. My weight, my health, our relationship and our future. After he has seen me struggle through the ups and downs of dieting he finally said that he wants me to be with him for a long time and to do that, I need to be healthy. My OB/GYN also said she wouldn't even talk to us about having kids because I am too overweight.

This time when I considered surgery, I looked at this with a different mindset and realized this is NOT the 'easy' way out. I had tried to lose weight on my own and I am good for a couple of days and at most a couple of weeks, but I needed help. I needed something that would make me learn to eat properly and watch my portion sizes. I needed a guide. So, I decided to proceed with the process. Alot of it fell into place and moved right along and alot of factors played into my decision to go ahead with the surgery. When I had to write the letter, I prayed. I believe in prayer and that God answers prayer. Some people choose to believe different things, but I believe in God. The day I mailed off the letter I told God it is all in his hands. I asked that he would help me accept the response, whatever it was. A few weeks later I received the authorization and am scheduled for Surgery on Dec 31st. New Year, New Me! I know this was God's helping hand. I know that this is going to help me to control that which I am not strong enough to. I have read about being 'stuck' and pbing, erosion, slippage, people who the band didn't work for or who didn't work with the band. I have read it all and then some. But if I let myself keep believing that I can change on my own, I am just fooling myself and ruining my future. I am 35 and weigh 365lbs all because I keep telling myself...I can change whenever I want. If I could...don't you think I would have by now?

Maybe there are those people out there who can lose the weight on their own and keep it off, but I am not one of those people. I need help and this is how I am going to get it.

I have read about people being scared of death during surgery or because of surgery. I am no different. But I would rather die trying to help myself than to die because I never tried. Well thats my story for now. I will let ya know how surgery went.

If you are reading this and thinking about the band. Make sure you weigh all your options, be ready to work hard on your lifestyle change and have a good support system (family, friends, spouse, anyone you chose). This isn't just another diet you can give up on if you want -this is surgery, expensive and invasive-you've already done the yo-yo dieting or you wouldn't be here reading blogs and researching lapband. Just be confident in your decision and trust yourself.

Good luck on your journey

Cheryl

Cheryl this is a great write-up that also describes me. It frustrates me to no end. I'm a self control "freak" and have come to realize that I have no control over losing weight and keeping it off. I've likewise decided I needed help and have looked into Lap-Band myself. Please keep us posted as you go through your process. Good Luck and God Bless You!

Bob