I called fillcenters and scheduled a partial unfill, I was within the 72 hours, so there was no charge from them, just the doc's fee for the flouroscopy.

I woke up at 179 today, that's 8 lbs in less than 72 hours, my body was gettin weaker from 2 days of less than 200 calories each.

I need to be smart and be okay with things not happening as fast as I may want them.

What I have learned about my body-- I am not one who can have a ton of fill at a time. I have had as much as 2.4 and I kept that for a year and I was overfilled, but functional. I need to ease into fills or I get in trouble. I need to realize that if I am PB-ing all the time, I am not okay and I am hurting my body in other ways. I am just having medical bulimia.

So I am at 1.4. Dr, M said he was comfortable with 1.5 and to be honest- I was so hungry and dehydrated I said to just keep it at 1.4 and not take any chances.

If I need another fill in a month and then another a month later, so be it and I am thankful that I live 15 minutes away from a fill doctor.

I left and got a McDonald's shake-- I know it had no nutrition in it but I was fading. I needed some calories. I drank 2/3rds of it and I feel better. I'm stillp retty weak, but I don't want to kill people now. The PMS doesn't help with that,lol.

Dh is going to move the exercise bike into our bedroom this weekend, I love just nesting in my bedroom and this will help put the workout stuff- where a workout may actually take place.

I wish I was a person who liked to exercise and who enjoyed it, but so far I haven't been consistent enough to really see if I could ever enjoy it. I exercized like crazy when I was a teen with anorexia, so my last bouts with it, were pretty screwed up.

I need to seriously deal with the parts in my head and heart that got my relationship with food so off track in the first place. I need to develop a healthy relationship with food and exercise and my body image. Time to do the part that is actually harder than not eating cheeseburgers.