I've always been a lardy-ass. Even when I was born I weighed in at 11lb 3 so got off to a flying start there. Growing up I was always conscious of being overweight and that it was something to be ashamed of and entirely my fault as my mum always tried hard not to let me get big.

Throughout high school I think I hovered around the 14stone mark which was much bigger than my pals at the time.

I have a binge eating problem which stems from those days when I'd walk home via Sainsburys, stock up on packets of biscuits, sweets and crisps, smuggle them back to my room and scoff them then eat a proper dinner too! Things haven't changed much since those days, apart from I've got more cash available to spend on nicer foods! Oh, and I've put on an extra 4 stone.

Now I'm turning 29 I have, as everyone who gets to this somewhat drastic point of contemplating having their body opened up and an alien object inserted just to stop them overeating has, tried just about every diet/exercise combination available. And yes, as with everyone, they do work for about 1-1.5stones worth for me and then I get bored/de-motivated and fall off the wagon into the arms of a 6 pack of cream cakes which signifies the start of a whole new binge cycle.

Anyway, the crux of the matter is that I finally came to the realisation that this is a cyclical thing and that I most likely am destined to yo yo by small amounts until I find that I'm old and still fat and missed out on a whole lot of things I would have loved to do but been inhibited by my weight. I want to surf, to horse ride, to have kids and be able to run in the mum's race on sports days, to wear funky clothes that actually sit right.

So here I am, provisionally booked in for my op on 18th December, subject to a 'successful' consultation with the surgeon on 9th Dec. IIf it does go ahead it's going to interfere with Christmas big time but I'm thinking of it as it's just one Christmas where it will put me and other people out. Hopefully I'll have many more Christmases to enjoy in the future because of this decision.

I can't wait but I'm a bit anxious. My husband can't come with me to Bromsgrove where the surgery will be so I need to tell someone else (e.g. parents or friend) and ask them to be my support (and driver!).

I'm pleased that I managed to get it at a cheaper rate of £4950 which they (thehospitalgroup.org) call the 'Pay as You Go' rate where I'll have to pay extra for fills and if I choose to have dietician's help.

Anyway, I'll try and keep this updated, but I'm notoriously flakey.....

xx

"destined to yo yo by small amounts until I find that I'm old and still fat and missed out on a whole lot of things I would have loved to do but been inhibited by my weight. I want to surf, to horse ride, to have kids and be able to run in the mum's race on sports days, to wear funky clothes that actually sit right." GO GIRL...do it now, not when you're almost 50 like me...although I still have done most of those things...except mum's race (don't know that one) and surf (does snorkeling or water skiing count?) I've definately done less of them as time and the pounds have come on. I didn't get really fat until my mid 30's, but wish I could have done this then...no regrets, but "when you know better, you do better." Go for it!