SO, I am on this journey of weight loss--have been for more years than I wish to remember. I think I was first conscious of my weight when my horrible aunt Miriam told me I was fat at the age of 9. I was not fat, I just wasn't emaciated looking like her daughters. I dieted through my entire teenage years to stay at 115 lbs and thought I was fat then. I emigrated to America from England at the age of 17 and began to gain weight. Maybe I was depressed about leaving my friends and everything I knew about home. Maybe I couldn't adjust my eating to a more sedentary lifestyle in America--always traveling by car instead of by foot. Eating lots of unhealthy processed foods intead of foods cooked by scratch. Whatever the reason, I began gaining--added a good 20 pounds in my frst year. Through college, the pounds crept on. At 160 pounds, I cried and joined weight watchers for the first time. From that point on I gained and lost, gained it back and then some. Did WW, Nutri System, Jenny Craig, all the others. Got married in 1993, weighing 175. Had my first child in 1995 and had ballooned up to 292 by the time I came home from the hosptial. Lost the 1st 52 pounds by myself, then joined WW again and eventually lost another 66 pounds to get down into the 180's, but the weight crept back on. When I got pregnant with my 2nd child, I was back up to 205. I had struggled with discovering my 1st child is autistic, has a heart condition, is borderline mentally retarded. and has a host of other problems. Stress was my middle name. 2nd child came along in 2000 on July 4th. He too had major health problems at birth and I left the hosptal after having him, weighing 285. After 8 years of trying WW more times than I can count and not getting any lower than 255, I am now back up to 286 and know this weight isn't going to go anywhere.

6 months ago if you had suggested weight loss surgery to me I would have given a resounding NO. I know a few people who'd had gastric bypass and they are now dead or have horrible side effects. I watched AL Roker seem to gain back some of his weight after his public WLS. I read Carne Wilson's books--this was not for me. Then I saw a TV commerical about the lapband and decide to read up. I became more interested and made up my mind to get a lapband in OCtober. I have been working towards that goal ever since. First, I researched surgeons in my area and found that the only one covered by my medical group will only do surgery in a hosptial where I'd had surgery before. The nursing staff were awful and I didn't by choice want to be at their mercy again. In order to get the surgeon with the best reputation, at the hospital with the best reputation, I had to change medical groups and my PCP--I had been with the same PCP for almost 20 years. This will also mean that I have to give up the gynecologist whom I've been with for 15 years and my breast surgeon. Added to the sacrifice is that the first hospital and surgeon are 15 minutes away from my house, the new ones are over an hour away. Add to that that I already work 30 minutes away from home in the opposite direction, I will have some long commutes to make my appointments. But this is the biggest health decision I have ever made in my life and I want to get it right the first time.

My change in PCP was not in effect until November 1st, but I had an appointment on the 11th, and got my referral to the surgeon of my choice. I am going for the group seminar on December 15th, and just got insurance approvals in the mail today for my psych eval and dietician consult. Things are moving right along. I am so jazzed about this, I wish it could have been done yesterday! Realistically, I should be able to get the surgery the 1st week in June as I will have completed all of my requirements by then and school will be out for the summer (I am a vice principal). Ambitiously, however, I could possibly get the surgery in March because I geta 2-week spring break and I could possibly have all of my requirements done by then, too.

It was kinda weird yesterday--Thanksgiving. It was at my house and we had all this food. My best frind and her family was there, along with a cousin she just found on the Internet--she never knew this cousin existed. Her cousin has he same first name and she came with her husband. SO we're at my house for thanksgiving, a long standing tradition--and we have way more food than the 9 people present need. There's me--almost 300 lbs, my husband--skinny, though says he could lose 10, my firend--probably in the 230s-240s, her husband--bit of a beer gut and just found out he's pre-diabetic, so trying to watch his sugar as he piles on more cranberry relish--my friend's cousin--bigger than me by a god 20-30 pounds, and her husband, the biggest human being I have ever seen in person! I'm not kidding when I say this guy is probably in excess of 500 pounds! I hope I was surreptitious enough when I watched how he moved from place to place in the house, the effort it took for him to get up from a chair, the fear that he would break a kitchen chair when it disappeared underneath him. I was both fascinated and sympathetic. If I feel depressed about my weight, how must he feel? How does his size affect his life negatively? How did he get to be this size? Did he stress out about meeting us, wondering if we would judge him? Could I possibly get that big if I don't do something drastic? At one point in the evening, he and his wife rationalized th amount of food he was thowing down because this was his "last Hurrah" before he started a diet. How many time Ihave I said that? Here I am secretly trying to practice chewing my food to a pulp, and taking small bites and there's this other guy across from me having one of several last hurrahhs! Here I am thinking, I'll never be able to eat like this next Thanksgiving, and this guy is complaining that the dessert plates I put out weren't big enough to fit the wedge of cake he'd cut for himself. There were 4 people in my house that qualify for WLS at dinner yesterday, I am the only one going for it--I don'y discuss it with my best friend because she's very negative about it. Fortunately, I have a very supportive husband who would love me if I weight 85 or 885, but wants me to be happy and healthy and is supporting my decision for WLS>