Today is my eight week bandaversary. I cannot believe it has been eight weeks. Today I am allowed to start eating normal foods. To tell the truth I have been on normal foods pretty much the entire soft food phase. My restrictions is very little. There are some nights where dinner is much less than I thought I could eat but that is the only meal. I will take a bite and get a pain in my chest and know that I shouldn't eat anymore. It will hurt really bad for a few minutes and I only hope that it will go away. I haven't PB'd but the last time I did notice that I was salivating a lot.

I have been struggling with my food choices. I was on the liquid diet for so long and then mushies etc. My brain keeps telling me to eat all these things that I couldn’t because I was healing and didn’t want to hurt myself. But now that I am better it won’t hurt if I eat these things. It was just like everytime I dieted and then stopped, I would eat bad things and know that I shouldn’t eat them but I would anyway because it had been so long since I had had it.

I have to get over this bad thinking. I make excuses that since we are living with my parents right now we cannot cook healthy, which is partly true. We cannot keep food without people eating it before we get to it. It is really awkward living there and we really want to move but cannot right now. We would rather eat out for dinner than be in the kitchen trying to cook and store leftovers.

There are other things that we can eat that aren’t so bad. This is what I have to mentally deal with. Making the right choices and then eating smaller quantities. I know I can do it because I have before. I think that because I am doing it on my own rather than a diet program I don’t feel as accountable. Once I have more restriction I will have consequences for not eating right. I just shouldn’t have to rely on consequences.