Well for the past two weeks I have been on mushies. I was so looking forward to it. I had things picked out that I was going to eat. It went okay, but I have to say my will power was awful. I didn’t have a problem with being hungry when I was on liquids. But as I moved on to the mushies I was hungry all the time. I would go out with my boyfriend and eat things that weren’t really mushy. I would say to myself…if I chew it really well….

Now I am on soft foods and was surprised that my nutritionist wanted me to put everything I eat into a blender still. I am definitely not doing that but I am trying to do better with my choices. I have found that V8 soup is really good and it totally mushy. I was told that tuna was okay and other soft meats. Yesterday though I had to go back on a liquid diet for my first fill.

First fill… I had such a bad experience I don’t ever want to get one again. I know I will but it was so bad. First off I had to wait a really long time in the waiting room before they called my name. They were running behind but didn’t tell me. I went to the back and lost another six pounds since my last visit so that is 31 pounds since my first visit with them, but only 29 since surgery. After I got weighed I had to wait some more in the little room. The nurse set up the fill stuff then the doctor came in. He had me lay on the table and hold two bottles straight up as he felt for the port. It hurt really bad as he pushed on my stomach. He said that he couldn’t find the port easily and kept pushing. I was on the verge of crying it hurt so badly. Then he made me do a crunch forward and kept feeling around for the port. He also tried having me hold my breath as he felt around. This went on for what seemed like forever but was probably 15 minutes. I was really scared that he wasn’t going to be able to find it but he did. He numbed it and the actual needle didn’t hurt but it was a weird feeling. I had to sit up and was surprised to see the needle was still stuck in my stomach. He gave me three Dixie cups of water that he told me to sip. I had no problem at all sipping it. He left for about ten minutes and I finished the water. When he came back he said that he put in 5cc but about half of it was in the tube. Then he let me go. I am supposed be on warm liquids for two days. I now have a huge bruise and my stomach is swollen. It is about the size of a baseball and is super sore.

Tonight I have a work party. It is our holiday party and will be really fancy. We are going, but I will feel really silly not eating anything. I may try something if they have anything mushy. Though if I get stuck I am screwed. I haven’t noticed anything different. I don’t have any problem drinking or with my broth. I am curious if I have restriction. I hope so but I am also nervous.