Wow...didn't think THAT would be my title today! This morning I had in mind..."1st day of the Diet" or something else really benign (my insurance requires a 6 month PCP supervised diet/exercise history). OK on with the story. I spent the weekend wildly researching and typing up stuff in anticipation of my PCP appointment today. I put together a form for the Dr. to easily fill in each time. I also put together my family history...wow, was that an eye opener! I woke up nervous...let me back up...

I'd been to the PCP last month for my physical follow up. I had just lost 25 lbs. on another low fat diet/fat absorbing pills, so my weight was down some, but I was still Obese (I wanted to make the best case I could to my PCP). My PCP came in and we talked, she supported my looking into the LAP-BAND®® and gave me names of surgeons and I picked up the diet plan to review. Then I went to seminars at two hospitals that are 'Centers of Excellence' for bariatric surgery in town (with my skinny DH) and found out what this was all about...I wasn't certain that I'd be approved by insurance...it's like an evil game. The seminars stated I needed to show I was a diet 'failure', so I quit the diet pills until my official start. I know, this all seems counter-intuitive since I'd just lost some weight, but it's not like I haven't just been a lot heavier, I'm an expert now an yo-yoing...I hate insurance and I'm just starting this (don't they know yo-yoers that are obese have even more health risks?). By the end of the month I was only up a few pounds more (less fast than I normally gain).

So I'm back to where I began...I woke up nervous today...weighed myself...quite a few pounds over 35 BMI...but, what if their scale was way different than mine?!...No! I can't be too close to the 35 BMI when I start!!! OK, calm down, I know I've read some things online about this...ankle weights some suggest?...nope, my ethics won't let me go there, sorry...Next-eat a lot before you go...and drink a lot...OK, I can do that...bowls of cereal later I was ready to burst...Next-It's snowing for the first time...layers are good! OK, I need to time the water just right. I had incontinence surgery 3 yrs. ago (hysterectomy and the sling)...let's just say I was back to the Urologist last week and he told me "You're the first patient I've had where the procedure failed! You'll have to use the back door to leave here so my other patients can't see you, Ha Ha!" Lucky me!...I'm not laughing...because if I do...I'LL PEE! Now back to drinking water...water bottle in hand, I get in the car...the Drs. office is 1/2 hr. away...no problem.

I'm dancing by the time I get there (the pee dance)! 15 min. wait...I get to the room with the Nurse and she pulls the digital scale to the middle of the open door "I need you on the scale" she yells from outside the room. What?!! Was the scale too close to the cabinet that my fat hips couldn't get on where it was...no?!!! Could we maybe close the door...no?!!! I glance wildly side to side to see who heard and if there was any patient coming down the hall who might be scarred by this site. Right, Left, no one...I can do this. I take off my coat and then she says it..."My you have a lot of layers on!"...."Yeah, it's cold outside." I manage to squeak out. On the scale I go...uh oh...my evil plan worked...too well! AHHH!!! I'm 5 pounds above where I thought I was...my scale at home is too light...I've gained weight (as usual, but are they going to be mad and not support me getting the LAP-BAND®®?)!!! Oh no!!! She flips through my charts. I try to distract her "I feel like I'm back at weigh in's at the group diet meetings-this is so embarressing!" (what did I just say?) Her head doesn't come up from the file...she notices! Are they're going to throw me out in the cold?? She asks me to sit for my Blood Pressure check (it's been high about a year now and they keep talking about putting me on meds.). "Are you nervous?" she asks. "No!" I SCREAM! "Why? Is something wrong?" I blurt! She looks frightened now..."No, your blood pressure is just really high 158/110!" Wild eyes staring into hers I say "Oh, maybe I'm more nervous about the surgery than I think?" She hustles out and closes the door. Oh no! What's going to happen? What's the doc going to say about my weight gain!!!! She's so nice..."Oh, so this will be your first supervised diet/exercise program visit?" she smiles...my heart is starting to calm...No!...she's flipping through the charts!!!...then it happens...I PEE MY PANTS...and once I start it's so hard to stop...SQUEEZE...How many gallons did I need to drink anyway?...SQUEEZE!!! I'd almost forgotten how badly I had to go in all the excitement...she's now talking and looking through my alarming family history...I vaguely remember her talking about hypertension...she's looking through my charts again...NO!...she mentions how long I've had High Blood Pressure...I feel her taking my blood pressure again...then pulling up my pant leg and checking my legs for swelling...NO Ankle weights here!!! (thank God for my ethics)...all I can think about is DO NOT PEE!...next thing I know she's standing at the door beconing me with papers...My mind races...what if I get up and there's a puddle on the table?...darn that evil paper they put on the tables...what to do?...with a smile she waves the form I brought at me...I smile and slowly get up...I turn...I can't believe it...and I say a silent prayer in heaven for the woman (you know it was) who invented the Super-Dooper-Almost-a-Diaper-Pad I'm wearing (which is know hanging heavily low in the crotch of my oh-so-dry pants!). She is walking me back to the reception desk and then presses another paper into my hand...what's this?...a perscription "for your hypertension"....I smile and thank her...(I found out later that this is a comorbidity...I deserve this!!!) I check out..."Where's the ladies room?" I ask.

Oh you poor thing. That is so unfair. The things woman have to go through. You did a great job on your blog. It was a great read...I would tell you it made me laugh but I don't know if that would be rude. :mad2:

Keep your chin up! You'll get there.

Julie Ann---Wasn't it you who said this process is anything but passive...Amen. The desperate things we do certainly shows how desperate we (or I should say I) feel!

You are allowed to laugh...just go to the bathroom first! I laughed all the way home.

Oh My! What a morning! And i am laughing! You have quite a way with words and my imagination is running ever so high this morning! Heck with 19 more lbs, is your BMI over 40?

Dare i say....Mission accomplished!

Hugs to you dear!

I'm so confused...some say not to gain but don't lose anything or just a few pounds and others say they needed to show significant weight loss (one lady said 5%) as insurance wants to see you can stick to low cal. diet. Even more confusing some say you can go below the 35 BMI once you start the diet and other say you'll get denied if you're below it before surgery. I'm not sure how to clarify all this with my insur. co. ...hmmm. Maybe I'll start with the insur. lady at the surgeons office, and I'll try to ask at the seminar Thurs.:mad2:

lol - your story sounds A LOT like mine. I remember praying they would hurry so I could go pee, it made my eyes water I had to pee so bad. I had to be at 40 BMI or my insurnace wouldn't except me and I was 39.9, but with the help of A LOT of water, I managed to be at 41.9 by the time I weighed in.

OMG! I needed this today, I do apologize for laughing but that was great! It's amazing how you try to do things right and it back fires on you. I truly understand. I did the self pay in Mexico and it was great I had no waiting nor did I have to see a dozen docs before they would complete my surgery. My surgery was 07/30/08 in Juarez with Dr. Rod I have lost 45 lbs todate.

Good Luck! I'm sure your approval will come.

I'm glad others are laughing along with me! It certainly helps in this crazy process...I can now say I've never been on a "harder" diet when you include all the insurance crud.

I wish we could afford to self-pay...one in college and my second going next fall...just not an option now...and if I wait until my third is out of college...wow, that's 10 MORE YEARS at least, Yikes!

ddodgens- Way to go...45 lbs in less than 4 months!!!

Oh BG! I laughed so hard I had an asthma attack! You are such a character. But good for you! You evil genius you!!!!!!!!!!

My first post...couldn't resist!! I laughed so hard reading your adventure!! And I am sure I'm desperate enuf to do the same. I'm just beginning the process and not looking forward to the process of trying to qualify. Too healthy. DOH!! Why isn't it based on the potential for the stuff I will develop eventually if I stay this obese?? I had a sleep study and am praying I actually slept enuf that there was time to show sleep apnea. They really should call it a wake test because who can sleep with stuff glued all over their head, wired up from every limb and eye, with a little wired thing conveniently tickling your nose hair all night long? I couldn't wait to get up in the morning and go home and take a nap!!! But girl, after reading all the stuff people go through, I've built my determination up and believe me if there is a way to come up with something to qualify me, I'm going to find it!! Thanks for the hilarious story!!

hope2bthinr- Welcome to LBT! Too healthy...yep, been there, I even passed the sleep study. Good luck to you...and I hope you failed your test! If not, keep plugging along. There's many here who took years to get through this so keep up the good fight! Look at me...I'm finally a bander! -BG

Congrats on being banded!!!! Hey BG, I failed the sleep test!! WOOHOO!!! I don't know what it's called but I don't breathe enough at night and my oxygen level falls, which is probably why I've slept like crap for years! Anyhoodle, my Dr. prescibed oxygen for night time (I feel so stupid and lame about that). I keep telling myself, it's temporary and probably my Dr trying hard to HELP me, so I will do as I'm told. I know there is something definitely wrong because I can't stay awake during the day even after drinking Monsters/coffee and I'm sure people at work wonder why my head bobs now and then and my eyes are shut when they pass my office. I go through the sleep attacks at least twice a day. Lucky I don't have keyboard indentations!!! But here we are...back to a darn good reason to qualify me for ins coverage for this procedure, eh?? And to think I was afraid to ask my doctor for the recommendation for the LapBand. I've been down the "you just need to eat less" and the "you need to work out more" roads (as recommended by the same doctor), so I didn't think they would understand the struggle. But now I LOVE my Dr!! And doing the happy dance. I don't have approval from my ins yet but this should help make my case.

this story made me laugh!!! you should wright a book. lol your a good wrighter