Well, so much for posting once a week! :tt2:

I have gotten so busy with school and kids and my mother in law visited and all. Plus, I find that after losing 40 lbs!!! I have a lot more energy and so I'm more likely to get busy with things!

Anyway, I recently (a week ago) had another fill. And what an experience that was! Last time I almost passed out so this time I wanted my husband to go with me. At the last minute, the computers at his job crashed and he had to go in, so I was left going with me and Molly (who is 4) to my appointment.

We get there and talk to the Dr and she is very happy with my weight loss and all. She agrees that I would do well getting another fill. So she decides that I will get a fill of 3ccs. (I already have 6 in there) So I lay down and she numbs the area which burns a little but not bad. I am determined this time to not pass out - I figure I know what is coming and it's no big deal. Well she pokes and prods and pushes and she can NOT find the port. Finally she is pretty sure that she has found the port and sticks me. And it hurts. And then she goes to withdraw the fluid and it HURTS! So she tries again and again and at one point it slips down the side of the port. Man, it was NOT fun. Not agony, but really unpleasant. And I am feeling more and more lightheaded. Finally she quits and asks me if I want to try again. (I love this doctor and she is really great - last time she got it right away, but I was still pretty swollen, so...) I told her that the adult part of me was telling me to suck it up and try again - that I would be very annoyed later when I go home and didn't let her try again and now I have to wait for another month for an appointment and a fill. But the rest of me was screaming to not let her touch me again!! :cursing:

Finally after a few very cold washcloths on my forehead and neck and some sips of water, I am no longer about to pass out. (Molly was an angel and playing the entire time!) So the doctor suggests that we do this a different way, especially given my tendency to get so lightheaded. She said that I could go over to radiology and they would do the fill there with an x-ray so that they would definitely know where the port is. But then I have to have a few sips of the barium stuff so they can watch the fluid go down and make sure that it wasn't too tight. She asks if I want her to see if they can take me right now. Of course I want to tell her NO! but I said yes and of course they could!

Molly and I walk over there and they bring me right back. Of course Molly can't go in the room, but luckily it is set up that the xray room is very large and almost one wall is glass and on the other side is a small office with monitors to see the xray, etc. So Molly was able to sit in there on a swivel chair and watch me on the monitor or look through the glass and see me.

So the doctor and aide say hi. I lay down on a small gurney/table and they bring this huge thing with handles over my stomach and whatever and then double check that I'm not pregnant and take the xray. So right away they see the port on the monitor right next to the table. He preps everything and I studiously look at the opposite wall and ceiling, trying to count the tiny dots in the ceiling and hoping that Molly doesn't decide to run into the room to see what is going on. (She didn't! :mad:)

So he sticks me with the numbing stuff (which you would think I wouldn't need because I already had some but it still hurt and burned, so either the other wore off or it was in the wrong place or whatever!) but not terrible. Then he puts the needle in and pulls it out a little and puts it in and then stops to xray while the needle is in to make very sure he is in the right place. The sensation doesn't hurt really, but it is a terrible feeling - the pulling and odd resistance of the port to the needle and then suddenly it's in and it feels like it should hurt - the whole thing is not painful but very odd. At least I'm not lightheaded, right? So finally he gets it in and puts in the 3 ccs.

Right away I KNEW it was way too tight. It was a terrible feeling. I don't know how to describe it - like a belt wrapped too tight around your tummy on the inside - I know that is silly because of course that is exactly what it is, but really this time I FELT it and it was not cool. But I take a sip of the barium stuff and another quick sip and immediately it burns the whole way down - like the reverse of heartburn. And then it felt like it was a small ball of burning at the very back of my throat. Like a small pea size of heartburn is just sitting in the very back of my throat and stuck there. It was terrible! I felt panicky and told the doctor "Get it out - get it out right now!!! That feels terrible!!" I don't even think I meant the fluid, I meant the needle, I meant get me out of here, make this crap stop!! Again, it wasn't agony, but it was so uncomfortable I felt like clawing my own stomach to get that damn band loose so that I could just swallow. So he immediately pulled out 1cc of fluid and said "Yeah, the barium didn't go down at all, that was way too tight."

As soon as that 1cc was out, I felt somewhat better and that ball of hearburn slid down to my stomach. But again, like heartburn, I could feel that terrible scorched throat feeling all the way down. I was a little nervous that it was the same problem but not as bad so it didn't feel as strong but maybe it was still backed up. Like I couldn't tell if the heartburn was gone and this was the residue effect or if the heartburn was still there but not as bad, so it just felt like it might be gone. Plus I kept thinking of Molly and being so nervous that she was going to touch things in there and break something or walk out here or wander out the door....

So the doctor asks me if that is better and I told him I thought so but I wasn't really sure. He looked at the xray and said that it DID go down this time, but it still looked pretty tight to him. He asked me if I wanted him to leave it or take out a little more - maybe .5 ccs. I was nervous, part of me wanted him to leave it because I'd be more restricted and all, but finally I thought that I WAS losing weight this whole time and the point is not to starve yourself PLUS if it was still blocking up I was only going to be in pain and end up in the ER. So I ask him to take out another .5ccs so the fill was only 1.5ccs instead of the 3ccs originally ordered, if that was all right.

He laughed and said - hey you're driving here! You decide what you are comfortable with - we don't want you to end up in the ER later!! So he did that, I took some sips of the barium stuff again and it went down fine - it felt like normal. The doctor looked at the xray and said, it still looks pretty tight to me - are you sure? I said, yes this feels fine. He says, well, I guess the whole point IS to be tight, huh? Then he said he didn't get many of us (lapbanders) that often, but it was starting to be more and more as the surgery is getting more popular. He said that he thought finding the port was somewhat difficult with the xray - he couldn't imagine going in blind!! But he laughed and said that they did it all the time over there in the bariatric surgery ward, so they must have some pretty good skills!!

I got up and went into the room and there was Molly, sitting in the chair and chatting with FIVE different doctors - men and women - and charming them all!! Like flies to honey! So that was good at least! :w00t:

So we went home and I was very sore as the numbing stuff wore off. The whole area was bruised for a few days as they had physically poked and prodded so much and then done the same with the needle. But the fill felt good - not too tight.

Since then, I have not noticed a major difference in terms of what I can handle - I did finally try a wheat bread sandwich yesterday and it went down all right - but it was the tiniest bit painful, like a warning of what will come if I'm not careful!! But everything else is fine. I am less hungry, eating smaller portions and lasting longer, so it is working like it is supposed to.

But given that I am two months out and pretty much can eat whatever and have never had an issue with things really feeling too tight, never mind sliming or PBing or anything like that, I still sort of feel like maybe it isn't tight enough, or maybe I'm doing this wrong or whatever. I don't know, I can't be doing that badly because I have still been losing weight, but still. It is weird to read the boards and feel like I don't have any of the same problems - am I really just that lucky or am I not doing this right??? :cursing:

And, for the first time, I got on the scale the other night and noticed that my weight has gone UP one pound. It is only one pound, but it is the first time since the surgery that is hasn't actually gone down. But my mother in law visited and I started drinking tea with her and she kept making it with sugar instead of my splenda and I kept forgetting and I liked it better so... Plus I have gotten lax in my walking and exercising. So I know what my problem is and what I need to do to correct it. I mean, I haven't gone crazy blowing it or stretching the pouch or anything like that, but I know I am getting a little too complacent and I need to adjust that right quick!!

As a final note, I when you take the total weight I have to lose and break it down, and I have already lost 40 lbs as I said above, I have technically lost 1/4 of the total weight I have to lose. So, put another way, I have completed 1/4 of the journey to reaching my goal weight!! Pretty freakin' sweet!!!!

Go Claire!! :crying:

Yikes! I am sorry to hear about your fill from hell. I am not banded yet but will be soon. I keep reading all of these nightmare stories on getting fills and it is freaking me out!! I haven't changed my mind though. I guess I am not freaked out too badly huh? LOL! I hope that your next fill goes smoothly. You've earned it.