Well as of today Im currently weighing in at 218! Yeah Ive lost some weight on my own but it shouldnt take two years do lose about 45 lbs on your own!! Ive been to 3 surgeons seminars, one gastric bypass and two lap bands. A week from tomarrow Mon 22 of sept 08 I was at a Woodbridge, Va Lap Band surgeons office to qualify. I missed it by 5 pounds so went in the following thursday after eatting what I call a normal breakfest and hit the numbers on the spot! Now currently waiting on the insurence to say yay or nay... The past gatric bypass thing, believe it or not I was litterally lying in the hospital bed and about to get the white stuff. But I panicked cause I was left in a room all alone and never had surgery before in my life! Not even a freaking tooth pulled!! That was in Louisiana May of 2005. I then gained a extra bit of weight taking me up to 264!!!! January of 2007 I decided to try and figure out a way to shrink my own stomach, so I forced my self to eat only out of a coffee mug only one and when my stomach grawled like mad crazy! It was horrible and all but after 2 weeks it worked and weight started falling off. Ive lost a total of about 45 pounds since thing just by portions and working out in the gym for at least 2 hours at a time!!!!! But here at 218 Im at that point where my weight dosent want to go no where! Im so tired of this struggle not being able to dress like I want to for my age, go clubbing and dressing hot! I have no kids and not married so I shouldnt be dressing like hillary clinton! But Im just a jeans and t shirt gal, I find that t shirts hide that roll real good and show just enough of the booty. I work security for the federal Gov, but my goal is to be Federal Gov police for the Dept of the army, I just need to be in shape and look the part and in the civian military theres no stero type police officers! So yea this weight is a burden on my career also. Im deciding to face my fears becasue of my girlfriend in FL she had the surgery done in May and OMG what a a transformation from then to now!!! Im so jelous of her!! She so hot and sexy now, her and her hubbys relationship is like the fourt of the july she goes to clubs and wears all the hottest outfits. I want that confidence so bad!!! I hate it when Im having bedroom time with my man, anything with my stomach grosses me out!!! He maybe not catch it but it totally ruins the mood for me mentally and that ruins it all for most females in that department. My weight god it holds me back in so much!!! I need to let it go so I can let go and free my self!!!

Now to list my fears of this if it happens:

1

Just it being surgery in general never had it b4.

2

Pain, Im tough and can handle alot of it but how much dose this bring.

3

Scars! How noticle are they? Do they shrink as we lose weight, dose mederma scar softner help it?

4

lose skin, ive yo yoed for so long!

5

will my portions be majorly noticable for those that dont know i have this!