I have never been skinny. I cannot even imagine what it would be like. Ever since I was a child I was big. So now to think that I might actually be a weight that I haven't been since I was a child is amazing. I would love to be able to wear smaller sizes. I would love to go into any store and try on something that I like. I am scared though. I was on Jenny Craig two years ago and was doing great and was on the message boards everyday and thought to myself "this is it, I am going to do it this time". But only to gain all of the weight back a few months later when I couldn't afford it anymore. At least that is one thing going for me this time, it will actually cost less.

I wonder what I will look like. What if I don't like the way I look. I will probably look weird to myself. You know when celebrities lose a lot of weight and you think to yourself "they looked better heavier". I hope that doesn't happen. I also wonder if I will look anything like my sister who has been skinny her whole life.

My whole family is mismatched. If you get us all in the same room you probably wouldn't guess that we are all related. It is kind of funny. Though I look just like my dad when he was young. I saw a picture of him when he was in the navy and I thought to myself "wow that is me". My dad is a big guy. I wish he would do this too. He wouldn't ever do it though. I know some of his co-workers have had the bypass. Don't know about the band. But I don't think he would do whatever it took to get approval. It makes me sad because I want him to be healthy.

My sister is overweight too. Only since she had children though. She was super small when she was younger. She isn't big enough to get approved through insurance and she can't pay for it. She is super jealous of me but I am also way heavier than her. I hope she can still be happy for me when I reach my goals.