September 2, just about 16 weeks out from surgery - 227, down from 271

Well, hmmmm, let's see...I'm down 44 pounds, no longer morbidly obese, just plain old obese. I'm losing pretty consistently at an average of around 10 pounds a month. Not bad! I've only had one fill, back in July.

I feel so much better, and have started running again, finally. Started that at about 13 weeks out. That really feels great, I have to say. Well - that is to say that I have always HATED running while I'm actually doing it, but it's the best way to lose weight I know of. I feel like it's the best bang for your buck, in terms of exercise. And it feels great that I can actually do it again. I'm only going for short runs at this point, only 2 miles at a time, and I feel like I'm going to die at the end of it, but I know I'm building the stamina to increase gradually. The best part has been running with my husband. A year ago I wondered if I'd EVER be able to do that again.

My restriction continues to come and go, come and go. It really is the most bewildering thing. For instance, I recently went to Vegas with a friend, and I was scared to death that the 5 hour flight would leave me with a tighter-than-tight band when I arrived. I read that all the time on LBT, people saying that flying makes them tight as hell. The flight on the way out to Vegas had absolutely no discernible impact on my band whatsoever. My restriction was the same as it had been at home: tightest in the morning, so-so at lunch, and considerably looser in the evening. But, after I returned home - whammo! For the next week, I was as tight as I had been just after I got my one and only fill in July! Maybe it was a delayed reaction?? Who knows? But I've loosened up a little bit since then.

Anyway, we're making our annual trek to the beach for a week in just under 4 days. I was hoping to be in the 220's by the time we took our beach vacation this year, and I'm happy to say that I made that goal. The only thing is, I still feel huge. :party:

None of my clothes fit, they are all too big, so I'm wearing the same two or three outfits over and over again. It is very frustrating trying to get dressed every morning, but I know it's a "high class" problem to have.

But it's funny, 4 months ago, at 271, I was thinking how absolutely glorious it would be to be in the 220's at the beach this year, and how much more comfortable I'd surely be in my own skin. Yeaaaaah, not so much. I still cringe when I look at myself in a bathing suit, I still detest my flabby upper arms and my big belly. I know that I AM more comfortable now that I've been running and my legs have leaned out a lot and I can actually wear bermuda shorts in public and not feel like crying. But, I still long to be a girl in a tank top or a cute halter shirt or sundress when I'm at the beach, and sadly, I still won't be that girl this year.

But, I guess the difference is that I know I'll EVENTUALLY get there, and that I can just keep looking forward to next year's beach vacation.

The next big thing I'm looking forward to is going to the Christmas party at my husband's law firm this year and being, hopefully, at least 60 or 70 pounds lighter than I was last year, or the year before last. I'm REALLY looking forward to shopping for something youthful to wear, instead of the matronly formal clothes I've been consigned to for so many years. Dear God how I've longed to wear a 'little black dress' to these kinds of events for so many years. Now, granted, I know I won't be wearing a truly 'little' dress at 210 or so, but it will damn sure be littler than anything I've worn in the past. Can't wait to shop for that!

This band frustrates me at times, when I'm looking forward to eating something delicious, and then simply can't eat it. Or when I'm really, really hungry, and take too big of a bite and get stuck.....and just end up really uncomfortable, unable to eat, and still hungry! And I'm constantly worried that I'll be found out - that a friend will put two and two together and come right out and ask me if I had weight loss surgery. I still feel desperate about keeping this a secret. AND, I'm starting to get just a little tired of having the few people who HAVE commented that they've noticed I've lost weight say, "Wow, I can really see it in your face and your shoulders!" I mean, come ON people, I have not lost 40 pounds from my double chins alone! I would really like for someone to say, "you know, your ASS really looks smaller!" That would be very gratifying. But for now I satisfy myself by noticing how much less space my ass seems to take up in my clothes each day. Patience, grasshopper, patience....I still stand by what I said in a previous post (or two), which is that I love this band and would have this surgery all over again in a h-e-a-r-t-b-e-a-t!