Today I filled out the first initial paperwork that the surgeon needs. Took me a little while to fill everything out as accurately as I could.

You know my family has talked to me off and on for a few years now about getting the surgery and I had been of the opinion well I can do it on my own if I just put my mind to it. Ha! We all know how that really works.

A little over a year ago was the first time that I had a doctor actually suggest bariatric surgery to me. At that time I wasn't ready to admit it. Then about a month ago now I started with a new doctor and one of the first things she talked to me about was my weight and the surgery.

I guess it's just been coming to terms with myself in accepting that I have not been able to do what I thought I could and that I need to be real about it. I have a 10 month old baby boy that I want to be around for years. I want to see him grow up and want to be there when he is older. On top of that of course goes more to knowing myself and knowing that I don't feel like a normal person.

For years now I have not been able to do the things I really enjoy doing. In my late teens and early twenties I was actually a pretty active person. I would go out camping where I actually would hike into a lake a good 8 to 15 miles from any civilization. I used to love to get up early in the morning and go for a good run. It was great getting out in the early morning air when the sun is coming up and just run. It was also great being able to go to any store and look at clothes. Anything from Wal-Mart to Nordstrom's. Ha! Best I can do now days is Casual Male or the JC Penny Big & Tall catalog.

What does this all really tell me? That I am not happy with the way I am and I need to change it. I also have had to admit to myself that I am not healthy with all this weight on me. I do have leaky heart valves, high blood pressure, varicose/venous stasis, high triglyceride, as well as the other typical things like achy joints, chronic fatigue, lower back pain, etc etc.

So in finally coming to realize that I need to change everything I realize that I cannot do it completely on my own. So now with the doctors referral to talk a surgeon about bariatric surgery I am looking into the next steps.

Here I start looking at the different surgery's and figure out which is really best for me. LapBand or Gastric By-Pass....That is the question. That is the decision to make; Not weather I need bariatric surgery or not.