Well, it's a saturday and I don't have to work today, so I thought this would be a good day to start my new blog. I, like some of the others on here,am suffering from the "last supper" syndrome. Since I heard for sure I am having this surgery, I have eaten anything I wanted to eat without thought for calories,etc. as a result I have gained about 5 lbs. since my last doctors visit. Now I don't feel like going out anywhere because I feel like a fat pig! My belly is huge (no huger than usual I guess, but it feels like it!) 5 pounds really does make a huge difference!

My surgery is scheduled for July 30th. I am an LPN at a community health center, but I have been moonlighting as a waitress at a local diner type family restaurant since January. A month ago, I gave my notice. I will miss the extra cash, but I need this time for me. Next Saturday will be my LAST scheduled work day there. I told her I will fill in for her on occassion, but my nights are now mine!! My intentions are to get in the habit of walking almost every night after work. (I feel too big to start now...people will think "who is that pregnant woman walking? She's about nine months...hmmm must be trying to start her labor!" haha!! but I'm hoping a few days after surgery and after a week of the liquid diet, my belly will go down a bit and I won't feel so self conscious. Also I will use my time to cook healthy meals. I am not much of a cook. I have been separated from my husband of 25 years, for 21 months, and since then, I just don't have much of a reason/desire to cook. My 19 year old daughter is content with a grilled cheese sandwich or cereal..or more usual for us, on my nights off, we eat out! So I'm planning on using the book my doctor gave me on my consultation visit, to cook up some healthier, new kind of recipes. (when I was with my husband, I cooked really fattening meat, potato, gravy meals).

I am SO excited about this surgery, it just doesn't seem real! My insurance wouldn't pay for it, but my husband was kind enough to add me to his policy (out of his pocket) because his insurance does cover it!

This is so surreal... I still can't believe it. Finally my "luck" is changing. I am a faithful christian and was truly trying to follow the Lords instruction by planting seeds to others about the love of Jesus. Then I began to suspect my husband was having an affair, then I knew he was but I didn't know with whom. Finally I found out who, but still didn't and don't know why. We rarely fought, went on motorcycle trips together and generally got along very well..anyway, long story short, my daughter and I left and I am now living in a tiny apartment and have been feeling as though God let ME down (still loving him though!) I know it wasn't God that was involved in that, but sometimes when we hurt, we don't think rationally. Any way,It seems that things are finally looking up for me once again.

At times I was so lonely and feeling desparate, but nobody asked me out in all this time (well, actually a 60 year old gentleman from the restaurant has asked me out a couple of times, but...he's 60!!) and I used to feel like I wish I could find somebody to love me... but now.. I'm great with that!! I don't mind being alone sometimes. I'm so glad God didn't allow anyone to come into my life prematurely. I know now, that I wasn't ready even though I thought I was. So, I will use this time as a time for getting to know the new me, the one that has been there all along, underneath the fat exterior. I will welcome my friends to get to know me better. I am a good person now, I know this. But good can get even better!!! More later.:biggrin: