Sitting around and waiting for a stroke of divine intervention isn’t going to get you very far. Mans biggest fault is in waiting for change to come hurtling towards them like a starved dog, opposed to meeting the animal halfway with a bowl of food. If you don’t like something -- change it. When it comes down to it, we are the masters of our fate. The only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself - nobody else can do it for us. We simply have to want to.

For the longest time I was one of those people who waited for life to come my way. When in reality I should have been standing up and charging it head on. I faded into the background and it was almost like I didn’t exist. I was always too shy or too embarrassed to speak out and for the most part I didn’t want people to notice I was there. It was easier that way. If I wasn’t being picked on for one thing, then it was another. I’ve always been the Chubby, non-talker out of my group of friends. The one everybody likes to rant to, but the moment I try to say something – they’re too busy.

After my dad was diagnosed with cancer, a switch flipped in me. It was as if I had been awakened from a long sleep. I found out about how serious my dad’s condition was on my 19th birthday. Since then everything has been spiraling out of control. I still remember the night before he died. He flicked my nose, smiled, and told me he loved me and that I could do anything as long as I tried – and to stay in school. In that very moment, I grew up.

I know now that there are no such things as Knights soaring to the rescue on white horses. I am my own savior. I need to take hold of my own life and take care of what is important to me. My family, future, and well being.

The first step in the process has been my education. I’m a Nursing student along with pre-med, since my main goal is surgeon. I have made sure to maintain my grades so that I don’t lose my funding or scholarships. It’s been a struggle mentally since I am going to school year round with no breaks and it’s a killer. I know the material, but am so exhausted at times, that I can’t muster up the energy to do a lab report.

Probably the largest step I have taken so far in the process of paving my future – is my decision to finally get Banded. Weight loss surgery has been something that has bounced around in my head for quite awhile, and has even reached the point where I tried to get gastric bypass but was refused. I’m not big due to lack of trying - I’ve worked out and done sports for a long time, but nothing seems to work.

I’ve been told by friends that I and others who have already had the surgery are taking the easy way out. I have to disagree. The easy way out would be sitting around and doing nothing. Those who have made the decision have taken their life in their hands and done something about it. There is NOTHING easy about it - it is a life altering decision. I send a load of respect and love towards everybody who has chosen to go through with it. I know people who have been banded and they still work just as hard to put the weight off. So where the misconception of a free-ride to skinny-land came from, I don’t know.

I have an appointment with my Doctor on the first of August to discuss it. I’m nervous yet excited at the same time. Being able to get this surgery would mean so much to me. I’m a borderline diabetic, with really high cholesterol and blood pressure in the danger zone. It scares me to think that something may happen to me and that my mom would be left here alone. Family is very, very important to me. I’d never be able to forgive myself if I left her prematurely. I want to be able to live a healthier life, and to make that a reality I need to act now.

No more procrastinating, no more coming up with excuses. The time for action is now, and I’m not going to wait for it pass me by. I'm going to grasp it and hold on tight! I am my intentions. I will change.

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Selenium

That's the spirit!

You have a lot on your plate but seem like a women with her head on straight.

Some succeed because they are destined to.

Most succeed because they are determined to.

Good luck on your journey!!

Side note- My cholesterol was 324, it is now 194 and going down. That is without prescription drugs, just following band guidelines and exercising.

Amanda