Ever since my last psych eval, which was only yesterday, I've been thinking about a lot of things. I've been having a lot of doubts about what I'm doing. I still believe that having this surgery will help me lose weight and I have to make major changes to accomplish this goal but I still can't help but doubt my ability to do so. I keep thinking about all the things I have started and never finished. If I can't even finish a diet that lasts 6 weeks how am I going to do one that requires a lifetime commitment. I love food. I love to eat. I love candy, chocolate, chips, cookies (notice a pattern here). Then I think about all the things that could happen if I am not committed to making myself a more healthier person. I won't be a good role model for my children. Leaving my hubby, my kids, my family before my time should be up. Having to exist in the shadows because I let myself go completely. These things go back and forth in my head.

I'm just scared of what's to come because for right now the ball is not in my court so I can't dictate how things will go until after I have surgery. I know I can do it but my mind is having conflicting issues. The main thing that keeps coming up to drive them away is how I felt when I made my decision to go forth and have the surgery. I was happy and excited. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It was as if I knew in my heart I should do this and it was finally catching up to my brain.

I know it's normal to have these doubts. I know others on the boards have them too. I'm so glad that I have the boards to turn to because now I know I am not alone in how I feel.

So as I finish this post I finally have gotten these doubts out of my head and can move forward in preparing for the days to come. I am a strong person. I'm probably stronger then I give myself credit. I can't wait until I can look in the mirror and finally see the person I imagine myself to be.

Girl you are right! It is normal to have these thoughts. Heck I have gone back for forth for about 5yrs gradually getting bigger and bigger (I'm at 361). You said the ball isn't in your court...I don't know anything about you but unless you have someone taking care of you, the ball is always in your court. You control you girl. When I first went in to discuss this they told me I would have to cut out sodas. I said all I drink is diet, they said cut that out too. Girl I have given up sugars in sweets but realized I am still getting sugars because dangit I haven't quit the Mac N Cheez! lol! But I have cut out sodas. I haven't had a soda in a month! I drink diet lipton tea- green and white (peach papaya is yummy-when it's warm though it kinda tastes like wine lol) But just from reading what you wrote you are in control girl! you have it all inside of you to do this! Self doubts are just anxiety talking. what if this or what if that..girl in a few months you'll be saying what if I would have never done it???? You will be fine girl! Good luck!!

A week before my lap band surgery I sat in my office and cried. I felt I was losing my best friend (cookies, candy, chips ect) sound familiar? I weighed 300 pounds. I knew what was right, but it's hard to let go. I had the surgery 2 years ago and I am 100 pounds lighter! I have more to go and sometimes it's hard, but worth it.