I'm almost 9 weeks post-op and still have lost only 20 pounds. I've had to be real with myself and look at the things I'm doing to sabbotage myself. I was so excited to have been approved by my insurance to get my band. I really believed it was the start of a whole new life for me. I read all the literature, the books, the blogs and forums. I understood that it was just a "tool" to help me. I even signed my life away saying that I understood this was a tool and there were things I had to do in order to be successful.

Enter the band. I did my pre-op diet at near perfection. My surgeon was please with the size of my liver and I lost 7 pounds during those two weeks. I followed the post-op instructions and did what I was supposed to do. Including my pre-op diet, I lost 21 pounds in about 6 weeks. That averages over 3 pounds a week. All is great.

At some point during this journey I have told myself that I can eat whatever I want, just smaller portions. Technically true. The whole reason for having this surgery is so I don't have to do the "diets" anymore. I've done WW until I'm blue in the face. I could teach a class on the subject. I don't want to count points anymore and I don't want to DIET, damnit!

This will ultimately be my downfall. While I believe that if I exercise and do the things bandsters have to do (chew, don't drink with meals, get in all of my protein, etc), the weight will come off and I can eat "whatever I want", in moderation. I'm realizing now that I can't eat these things everyday. The band didn't miraculously get rid of my issues with food. Trigger foods are still trigger foods and, if truth be known, those foods go down a lot easier than the good stuff.

Somewhere along the way (I'm ashamed to say that it only took me 2 months), I stopped doing some of those things that we as bandsters have to do. I'm not chewing well enough, which now after my 2nd fill is causing an issue. I'm finding myself taking a drink or two with dinner because I'm eating too fast or not chewing well enough and feeling stuck. I'm eating just to eat, but I can do that because I have a band now, right? WRONG! What the hell?

I know what I need to do, like I said I could teach a class. Who knows nutrition better than life long "dieters"? I have to start applying the so called rules that I swore to uphold. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's been so much work to get the band, to jump through the hoops, to have surgery, to go in for fills, not being able to eat certain things anymore. Why would I then sabbatoge myself, this gift I've been given? A lack of motivation? I read on this forum everyday how successful most are. I see their pictures, the joy on their faces when reaching goal.

I have to want it, I have to really want it. And I do, I really do. It's time I acted like it. It's time I worked for it and helped myself along. No more excuses!!

I know exactly how you feel. I've been struggling with this since I got the band 3.5 years ago. The more I question myself, the more my weight loss stalls, the more I understand.

There's nothing wrong with you sweetie. This is part of the process. The band just limits hunger, but it does nothing about habits, emotional attachment, etc. You are perfectly fine! You are smart enough and strong enough to figure it out and beat it. It's not going to happen overnight.

You want it, you can have it. Just be kind to yourself about it! If you fall down, get up. I just blogged about this very thing :tt2: PM me if you need to blab.

I want to be a size 10 more than anything, but I keep sabotaging myself. Obviously before I get the diploma, I have to do more work than others seem to. That's OK with me. Nobody else can take the credit for my size 10 but me in the end :thumbup: