Obsession
It's now an obsession. Well, it always has been. My weight. I wonder why it defines me so. I wonder why I can't just accept how I look and not get caught up in this web of self-hatred and doubt. I think now of all the things I have wanted to do up to now and said...well when I lose this weight, I'll do that. How accomplished I would be! I have always been an all or nothing person. I've always pushed myself to the limits (that includes indulgences like GOOD FOOD) Now I must admit defeat. Food is winning. Food has taken control of me. If I don't do something, it will destroy me. I dream of being able to walk and not have ankle pain. To be able to cross my legs again, to be able to fit in a chair without my hips touching the arms of it. This obsession with food is slowly shifting. Its not going to beat me! I will learn to like you food, not obsess over you. I will learn to love myself and like food. This is my prayer.
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