where was I.. on yea...

my experience with the Lapband surgery...

I covered the keys, the gown, the SOCKS with the pissed off alien lifeforms in them and the nurses, the drainers...which brings me to...

my anesthetist

after the drainers left, most happy for extracting at least one bodily fluid from me..

in walks

The Anesthetist

He was a vision, tall, fit,

black hair and the bluest eyes, that crinkled just slightly when he flashed a most charming and disarming smile..

he was talking about something..

I guess I answered..

I KNOW he said his name

but I wasn't listening I was lost in his deep...WHAT.. could you say that again?

~his manly man, dark, blue eyed voice~

"I'll be giving you something to relax"

and then he looked deeply into my eyes and said.."we are going to treat you like a fine piece of china" I remember thinking hooking crap please don't be talking about Cornell.. you know the plates you can almost throw into your floor and it bounces pristinely back into your hand?

I thought about those wonderful words again.."I'll be giving you something to relax" and then it appeared..the needle that they shot into my IV...

ok so I don't remember much from then on...except in pieces..

I remember being rolled into the operating room, trying to sit up and wave hi to all the Drs that were checking over their instruments.

then these two smiling nurses wearing smocks with colors loud enough to wake the dead... they came towards me with their arms out stretched and helped me get onto the operating table...I kinda remember thinking something like yea sure you just THINK they use defribulaters if you croak they probably just open one of your eyes and have one of those nurses wave her top at you...

so then I go black .. I wake up right after surgery just for a second and one of those dayglo nurses was saying.. "ok I need to give you a little more morphine"..MORPHINE..wait

it's my only time to ever get near morphinnnnn i wannaa ber ake.....ok so I didn't get to complete that thought.. bummer

next thing I remember was petting a pretty brown bunny that was sitting where my porthole was..port hole porthole get it... sailing on the morphine cruse line...anywayyyyyyyyy

So yea I keep dropping in and out and after I came back in again I asked my daughter "hey did you see where that brown bunny I was petting went to?"

Ok I KNOW I was really talking a lot ..which scares me because I have NO CLUE what I was saying... and if you know me then you'd know why I am concerned...

then came the x-ray guy..oh cool I get to go for a ride and get an x-ray..

oh yea, on the way there guess who I see..you know how this goes you absolutely look the worst you could possibly EVER look and you see someone you know..

I mean ok I forgot that my brother-in-law's brand new trophy wife

works down in that part of the hospital..with no one else for at least 5 miles of hospital corridors except me and Mr. X-ray guy and there SHE is.. God only knows what I said.. but I remember seeing her smashed up against the wall like we were going to run her over..LOL..ok yea THAT was worth being awake for..

back to Mr X-ray and I

I SWEAR not one single person in the world said anything about the barium..OMGGGG it's like drinking a liquid chalk board.. by this time I really, really like my Anesthetist because I was still so relaxed.. I drank that crap like it was the nector straight from a school house in the sky ...didn't even flinch.. well much anyway..the X-ray guy thought he'd be cute.."doesn't that taste good?"... me: "would you like some I have plenty."...he laughed..HUMPH see if I offer my southern hospitality to him again ...

and the next time I woke up my husband was cleaning my face. both him and my dear daughter were flat out guffawing

my daughter was in her chair doubled over and my husband was red faced from laughter ...and they took pictures.. trust me I will be doing a photo diary as soon as I can...I have to get him to divulge where he's hidden the photos on our teri-byte storage drive...

tomorrow I shall cover the horrors of it's "WAY past time to leave and you are on the spot cause you can't pee"...

heh

oh man I am still so freaking sore right over my port incision everything else has pretty much calmed down

every time I cough I feel like I just ripped out about a couple of thousand stitches, dislocated my liver, my left lung and my spleen ..we all know we don't have that many stitches but it sure feels that way..to this I say

VIVA Lortab

I'm doing good on my mushies...

hey blueberry yogurt and chocolate whey protein mixed is fabulous..and I mean FABULOUS and maui maui with bananas is to die for..

the gas has gone away for the most part and I am just waiting for my port area to be claimed a fish and wild life preserve...in other words you can look but don't touch because there is a HUGE fine to pay..

like listening to me whine it sounds like this..

OMG you just touched it..how dare you do that... it freaking hurts.. what's wrong with you are you a sadist..don't make me pelt you with these chocolaty flavored calcium candy dothingys...hey give those back.. stop eating those.. have you lost your mind...OMG noooo don't come near me and don't EVEN THINK ABOUT TOUCHING IT AGAIN...yes I know it now feels like a hard ball.. and that yesterday it was a huge softball...no you can't have it to play golf when it gets smaller...

good grief..

hope you are feeling better - hearing what's to come helps!