Did anyone know I had a hipbone??? If you did, why didn't you tell me???!!

I was lying there next to my friend the other day, just chatting and I had my arm laid along my side, when suddenly...I felt it...

MY HIP-FAT HAD ALREADY BEGUN TO DEFLATE!!

I jumped out of bed and ran, in tears, to my best friend. He, of course, was very concerned and inquired about my tears.

"I am NOT ready for this!!!"

Let me explain...

For over four years, I have been actively pursuing the lap-band. I have done an unlimited amount of research, spoken to almost 1,000 people (I am not exaggerating), sought advice from doctors in every field, etc, etc...I could not have been better prepared mentally, physically, or emotionally for my "new life". I was happy to adopt this new lifestyle, the new diet, my new health!!! But, through all of this, there was one thing I am just not prepared for...my new size.

I have ALWAYS been the fattest person I know. When I go to a bar, party, resturant, etc--I know how big I am and I also know that people know how big I am (I weighed 327 until yesterday). I learned to love my size--because it is the only body I have, and I use it as a defense. I know that guys won't approach me, people will gawk at me, and some will even avoid me. I feel powerful that I have this effect on people. They notice me...I don't notice them. And, for some reason, when I see a larger person, I feel a strange sense of "competition" with them.

But now, that is changing--even as I type!! Through all of my soul-searching, goal focusing, and preparation for this...I never entertained the thought that I will be getting thinner.

How ludicrous!! But, there it is, I never thought about how I will actually look.

I admit, I am scared...my defenses are going to be lowered and I am not sure how things will be without my "fat fort". I am just trying to be optimistic about my new self-acceptance, and I thank God for the wonderful support structure I have.

I have a lot of things to learn!!!

Wish me luck, guys...whoever thought weight-loss would make you skinny??:thumbup:

that is freakin awesome!!! I love this story it reminds me of myself...in alot of ways...getting banded on 6/23...waiting for my new life to start...congrats!!!

Thank you for sharing and making me smile... I'm scared as hell too. Peace!!!!

lol omg "fat fort" thats the funnies thing ever i really laughed out loud at that one. so i have to ask during all of this planning and prepping for surgery what where your goals? what did you see in the future that can be attributed to the band? i want it to be thin and healthy and to prevent the weight related complications that are killing most of my family. i cant wait to loose the weight. i do get the self acceptance and change thing though. i know I'm a big girl but i don't think about HOW big, then when i walk past a store window and see my reflection I'm always a little confused cause i knew i was big but not that big. I'm just in myself and don't think about it so much. i think it is both sad and funny that you feel competition with other big people. you seem to have a great personality. try to celebrate this change. go do something with your self that you will like, like getting your hair colored a color you never had the guts to do or get it cut in a style you never had. i find things like that help me really look at myself differently like i am capable of change and it makes me feel excited. or if you change your hair all the time so buy a dress or if you where those all the time go get a manicure/pedicure just do something you wouldn't normally do that will make you feel good.

Wow! Thank you soo much for sharing, I know exactly what you mean by fat fort...I've had mine since I was 8 or 9. I too am comfortable in my fatness, but at the same time I long to be thin and trim. I cannot wait to weigh less than my 5'10" husband who is 219 and I am 245 and 5' 5"...just to get under 200 is going to be a miracle...thank you so much for your honesty and enthusiasm. I know its going to take a lot of head work for me, but I'm looking forward to it. I have 6 days and I have surgery and I can't wait to discover my hip bones too. All the best!!!