ok this is the extended version of the Reader's Digest post .. it went like this

1. the keys:

my hub was so busy taking pictures of me that he shut his door with the ...keys inside..

we got a family friend to take my daughter and her house key to get my car keys so that my hub could get his keys back.. and mind you he locked the keys in the truck at the hospital parking garage.

*insert chopped part

so as I am lead into preop there on the foot of my bed was "that gown" you know the one where you have to hold the butt so your hiney doesn't beam the world ..ok so fine I get that

and then

the "socks that can kill" appeared on the bed

These socks must be some sort of a alien technology to take over the world

I can see it now, walking about your daily lives when you decide it's time to stop..

but they just grabbed 2 feet in front of only to make you look like crazed puppet that just got poked with a cattle prod.. you know hands all up in the air..body spazing to keep balance because of those freaking killer socks decided to throw you like a rodeo bull ((named tornado or hurricane or something just as naturally dangerous))..into a small pond of super glue....Aliens umm hummm it always starts with the bovine

then THEY came, the 2 nurses who are going to run my IV on my ittle bitty roly poly veins

I looked at my hubby and held up my hand with 5 on it.. see if she can't hit it by 5 tries then I want a specialist..well I will say this they gave me a local before the IV, she tried several times and finally ended up on the inside of my elbow., my husband was almost freaked cause she was really "digging around" in my left arm. they put the BP cuff and the O2 finger gadget ....then came pressure hose and these little instep foot pillows that would puff air alternately squeezing my feet..I'd dare to say oh yea those were uber cool... then came the heprein (or however it's spelt) nothing like seeing your stomach poked with a needle and you feel nothing but a slight burn

by that time I HAVE to go to the restroom

right after I get all hooked up and everything

so everything almost goes backwards...I get back in bed

then come the "drainers" I used to call them vampires, but I don't know too many of those that collect pee...so I now call them drainers and they usually aren't to picky about what fluids they can get.. this one wanted pee~~DYES LAFFIN~~ I told her she should have been there 10 minutes ago I can't give any.. so she like OK.I'll just take some blood..it always comes down to a cup or a needle with these guys.. I mean all they needed it for was a pregency test and I TOLD her I wasn't preggy..I got talked into it ...some nurses are just too peppy for their own good..

Oh and tomorrow I talk about my smexy anesthetist

heehee

ok the gas is come and go now..

sitting still way low in my belly

nothing touches it it's like it owns that part of me...HA I say again HA

I can't cough good or even fart cause of the pain caused by any type of pushing because the attachment point of my port is above my abs on the left side and it hurts..

sleep

bed

pillow

g'night

Ahh... you know, it's not fair to make a person laugh who still has port pain. Revenge will come. mwhahaahahaha. Glad everything worked out well and you're on the "banded" side!

I shall be waiting....mooohahahack ack cough

lol