Well i have been thinking for the past week that this surgery is not going to fix me, all the damage and baggage of being overweight my entire life will NOT just go away. This surgery is not a quick fix and i am pretty sure im going to want to give up at some point or wonder why i am torturing myself, BUT this blog is for me (or anyone else) to read when i am feeling insecure and discouraged. I got a little emotional when i wrote this letter to myself. I think its b/c i have to let mandi come out and not hide her behind the fat anymore.

Mandi,

You had this surgery b/c you can not diet on your own. Dieting has always made you lose weight but you have no idea how to keep it off. The band is there to help you with portion size. It is not going to fix your cravings or emotional stress. You promised yourself that if the insurance approved your surgery, you would be more than willing to learn to live with food in a different way. Today is probably a bad day and you wished you could eat something really bad and it would make you feel better, but it doesnt make you feel better. It makes you feel guilty for eating it then you decide well i already messed up, ill eat something else bad. You are way more important than any stupid dessert or carb.This is not how you want to live the rest of your life! And even more important reason you needed the band is b/c you have PCOS and this will help you get rid of it. The band is not your enemy it is providing you a chance to start over with food and learn to appreciate it, not abuse it. You will have your good days and you will have your bad days but the band will always be there to help you make wise choices. If you want to eat b/c something is wrong, GO DO SOMETHING, talk to someone, work out, play a game. DO NOT let this addiction rule the rest of your life. So suck it up, put on a smile and take it day to day. Life sucked fifty times more gaining weight then it did losing weight...so im sure it is not that bad. I love myself and i need to take care of myself for me.

I Will Always Love You,

Yourself

Mandi Thank you so much for saying what you did. I am having surgery on Monday and am nervous and scaredbecause I feel like this is not going to work, probable because I have failed at so many weight loss attempts before,meds theapy diets ect.

I thought I was the only one who felt like this. Thanks again. Mary O

Hi Mary,

I am having my surgery on monday too! Thank you for commenting and letting me know im not the only who feels this way about food. Food is my addiction and i have to give it up to be able to live the life that i want.

Mandi Jo