So tomorrow at 6pm is my seminar. At this point all the info I have on Lap-Band comes from this website (and others), and those commercials with the really heavy people saying "If I lost the weight..." I am a little nervous, but only about something getting in the way of this happening. I can't see what that could be - I'm in very good health; I actually had a doctor say to me once, "you know, you really have no right to be in this good of health given your weight." My insurance policy covers the procedure, and I meet the guidelines, and as far as I can tell my employer does not exclude WLS.

I decided that I would never do gastric bypass, partly because the whole idea of slicing out half my digestive system completely freaks me out, and also because the mortality rate scares me. Half a percent seems like a lot! I have two children, ages five and almost two, and half a percent is too high for me - I would rather be fat and alive and here for my children than dead trying to be thinner. And since I don't have any health problems it's not like I'm facing a crisis. But .05%, that's one in 2000. The odds of dying in a car crash are one in 5000, and I drive my car every single day. So that I can live with.

I am starting to feel more excited, too, about the idea of being smaller. I think it's held me back professionally, at least to a degree, although since I pretty much mommy-tracked myself when my son was born five years ago, it's hard to know how much of that was my choices versus others judging me. I'm going to accept responsibility for it either way, because whether it was my choice to focus on my children or my choice to overeat, I own it.

I have decided, if there is a good reason not to do this, I won't - but it has to be a really good reason, like the insurance won't pay, or I have some undetected health issue that precludes it. I won't let the reason be that I don't want to live on liquids and mushy foods for a while after the surgery. I'm not too thrilled about that part; I've always been a person who liked texture as much as taste and I've never been a fan of gooey foods. I didn't learn to like mashed potatoes until my 20's, I like to crunch things! But it's time-limited. I might be counting the days until I can eat something with some bite to it, but if I know it will end I can tolerate it.

So, I hope the seminar tomorrow leaves me hopeful and not deflated. I have heard nothing but good things about the surgeon I am going to see, so that's in my favor. And I have already made a new friend on this board who will be at the same seminar, so that's exciting too. Wish me luck! I look forward to reading these posts from the beginning of my journey in 18 months, when I am a size 10 and my children don't recognize the old photos of me.

So how was your seminar? I go to my first one on the 12th.

It was great! I really enjoyed it. It was very informative and it meant a lot to me that the surgeon did the whole thing himself - I really like the fact that he is not afraid to make himself available and accessible, he doesn't hide behind layers of coordinators and nurses. That means a lot to me.