Last night I had this long conversation with my bf/ fiancée about setting up a date for the wedding. Well the reason that I call him my bf/ fiancée is because I never wear the ring that he got me when we got engage 2 months ago because I have very fat, fat, fat fingers. In fact I have not worn a ring since I was about 10, because none will fit my fingers. Whenever I tell people I am engage they want to see the ring but I don’t wear the ring because I don’t want to get it resized yet. So to avoid the drama most time I just call him my BF.

Anyway, yes last night he asked me to set a date for the wedding, a something he been wanting to talk about for 2 months. Unfortunately last night while in his condo watching a movie “Things we lost in the fire with Halley Berry”. He look at me and said “when and do you.” I replied when and do what, he looked at me and said the wedding its time, lets set a date today. I looked at him and said “not now baby lets watch the movie”, he replied “no its time if you love me you will set a date, because everyone in my family wants to know when”

The truth is I never wanted to set a date for the wedding because I am big-fat-overweight. I don’t want to put myself in the nightmare of shopping for a wedding dress. To tell you the truth the only things I like to shop for are shoes and bags, and trust me I have way to many. Anyway the dress is one thing and being a fat bride is another, since the day he ask me to marry him I been thinking to myself “Ho No, Ho No, Ho No:eek:”. I am the big girl that had tried for so long not to be the center of attention will have to be after all its my wedding. Another factor is my future mother in law and most of his families have never met me, because they are mostly in Europe and South Arica. They know I am big, but not how big. I always dream of having a picture perfect wedding, one where my husband to be can lift me up to take a picture, but the reality is he will most likely break his back in 5 places if he try to lift me. Anyway, setting up a date for my wedding is a nightmare, because I don’t want to be the fat bride. I guess I am too afraid to tell him that because his thing is, “I know you are big and it doesn’t matter at all, and you should not care what people say.”

At the end of the day I told him I will try to come up with a date. I just want to get the lap band before I set a date for the wedding.

Getting the band isn't going to make you love yourself.

Rejoice in the fact that you have a wonderful man. You have put your life on hold for too long. Weddings are more then the dress.

If something came up and you couldn't get the band are you not going to get married?

Im so sorry you are having body image issues. Maybe you can set a date of one year post band. Thats a great incentive to stay on track with the band.

P.S. on another post you said you wanted a tattoo before banding- remember after you lose weight your skin will have moved and the tattoo will move too.

well you are right a wedding is much more then a dress. Me wanting the band has little to do with the wedding and much more to do with wanting to be healthy active.

Ps. i do love myself, being overweight is not such a big problem , that i cant see all the great things about me

Hi,

I was in your situation last year. I was engaged and we were suppose to have a big wedding. I have been with my husband for 4yrs before we got engaged and being married to him is not any different then dating him... We went to the court house and got married. Ya i want to have a big huge wedding but im wasnt ready for that. I chose to wait and see if i could lose some weight so i can have my special day and be comfortable with myself at my own wedding in my wedding dress!!! I totally know how you feel. Do what you feel is right. And for the record..i love myself too i just dont love the extra on the outside...lol. Maybe this helps i dont know just wanted to share with you.

Mandi Jo

I appreciate your dilema. In my opinion, I would absolutely get the band first - with no delay and also talk very honestly with your fiance about waiting. It's a health issue that is more than physical - also emotional and mental in becoming comfortable in your own skin.

I also think ajoneen has a good idea - get the band/set the day for 1yr. post op and go for it!!!

Love yourself sweetheart - we are all imperfect.

I will remember you in my prayers.

- Ducky

Wow...I have worn a size 12 ring, and though I have huge hands (I wear a men's XXL glove and am 5'10) but I would never consider not wearing a ring. I can understand your concern, but I have to tell you that it's time to take a long, hard look and figure out if this is the man with whom you truly want to spend the rest of your life. If so, you should feel comfortable telling him what you've said here, in the blog. I understand where you're coming from, in terms of not wanting to be the center of attention and not wanting your wedding to be less than perfect. None of us wants to face one of the biggest days of our lives feeling less than perfect. My serious suggestion is to consider telling your bf why you're stalling. As far as loving yourself, it's not about love. You have to RESPECT yourself, no matter what your size. Your size will go up and down throughout life. Love your man enough to share with him why you are hesitant to set a date. In the meantime, make a plan. Figure out how you're going to put yourself in a position to be happy and get married, or figure out why you're stalling. Your man clearly loves you. Give him that much respect. :rolleyes2: