Well yesterday was a beautiful day in Massachusetts. It has not been sunny and that nice for a long time. Would not you know it my Boyfriend/ fiancé begged me to go to the beach with him and his friends that were a couple. I reminded him that I was a big girl and big girl don’t go to beaches even if it’s just to relax. He begged me some more and told me he just want to spend some time with me doing things that all couples do. I felt bad let me tell you horrible, because he has been such a wonderful man. He has been to every support group and appointment for the lap band and I truly believe that at 23 I have found my soul mate.

Anyway, I try to wiggle my way into my last year capree pants that was now tight on me, did my hair put on this cute shirt and a pair of really nice sandals. Hey I was looking cute, and my Bf confirmed it. Until we got the beach and my bf friends and girl friend arrived, she was the size of a broom. She looked at me from head to toe as if she was mortified of how big I was. I stayed close to my Bf the whole time but I was in a sea of skinny people, I look around not one big girl on that beach. To make matters worst my boyfriend friends started to remove their shirts and the girl removed her jeans too, to catch a Tan as they put it. I taught in my head “who are we kidding black people don’t Tan”. However, I just looked at them and said “it’s a nice day isn’t it”. The minute I say that it must have been an invitation for a conversation, she looked at me and said “you did not bring a swimsuit, today is a great day to catch a tan get some sun.” I look at her and politely said “no, I just want to relax today did not bring a suit”. My boyfriend, I , and the two friends stayed on the beach for about 4 hours and the whole time I am thinking I can’t wait to get my lap band. I honestly love the beach I love nature, but most times I don’t get enjoy those things because of my size. I am hopping after the lap band I will be more willing to but myself more in social situation.

I think going to the beach is the thing I miss the most. We went to Florida several years ago, spent a week. I was one of the fat people and blended in with several others, but refused to walk down the beach in fear that I would run across the skinny people. Always fearing as you walk by those that are lined up in their chairs they are looking at each other thinking "Good God, look at her."