So I have no idea how this blog thing works on this site...but since Im too chicken to post this on my Myspace Blog...here goes.

Ive always had a love affair with food. Back when I was a kid, I begged and pleaded to go to macdonalds. I couldnt care less about the toys, all I wanted was that wonderful taste of french fries in my mouth....mmmmmm...it makes me salivate just thinking about it. ENOUGH! Get out of my head french fries! and you too chocolate cake! All of you toxic, high carb, high fat, highly tasty foods. You have done me wrong. You have lead me astray. You have shortened my life, and Im not going to take it anymore.

Im treating my potential surgery (Im still going through Kaiser's tedeous approval process) as a break up. I have to get angry at food to stop wanting it so bad. I used to tell myself that food (and more importantly...good food) was my birth right. Eating was what I was born to do...and lots of it. How could it be so wrong, when everyone and everything on the planet has to do it? I convinced myself that my behavior is not problematic, or compulsive...its just "normal". I have justified every drive through purchase, every doughnut, every mocha grande WITH whipped cream...because whats a mocha without whipped cream?

I dont know if Im ready to break things off with food...just quite yet. Its difficult to be an addict of something you will need the rest of your life. Its not like being addicted to heroin. I mean, as hard as it is to stop shooting heroin...its not like you still have to do a little each day to survive...you can quit, you can surround yourself with people who dont do it, you never have to look at it again. Not so with food...and that SUCKS. It requires soooooo much more self control and discipline to "just eat less"...as so many of my friends and family have suggested. It doesnt work that way...and for that I am ANGRY. Why couldnt I just be a heroin addict...no, strike that..I take that back. But you see what Im getting at, right?

So, I am in the process of composing my dear John letter to food. Im leaving you food, for a better life. A life where things besides food can keep me company, and provide solace....a life where food is no longer a source of comfort, but a source of life and engery...and that is IT.

Can I do it? Well, youll have to tune in and see...

Hi Abby

Just want to say I can totally relate. I am a year out of surgery and down 60 lbs but I have always compared the food addiction to a drug addiction and how much harder it is b/c you have to eat. You dont need drugs to live. Anyway I knew what I had to do but in some ways I was scared or not sure about doing without the food that I grown used to having. But you get so fed up that you say "whatever - I have to do this' That is what I did and I am glad that I did. Even now, sometimes I mourn that I can't go get whatever food I want and wolf it down, but it keeps me from getting it b/c i know that I can't eat but a small amount and with really small bites (especially with this last fill that finally gave me really good restriction). I know that's what I need even though sometimes I just have that craving to eat and eat. But its good and worth it and I wish you the best of luck!!!!!

Kudos to Abby. It seems that you've found your way to get over your love affair/addiction with food. I want to do the same, I WILL do the same - somehow. Like amallis77 said, "whatever - I have to do this". I'm on my 3rd full day post-op and I'm more mad at myself than mad at food. How could I have let myself become so dependent, so weak, so undisciplined? Anyway, I'm going to put all that behind me and figure out how to 'no longer be dependent, weak and undisciplined when it comes to eating the wrong things. Good luck, Abby!