Just realizing I should probably put down my past. I'm 39 and have struggled all my life. ALL MY LIFE. I"m sick and tired of it. I've been up and down trying everything liquid diets, Weight Watchers you name it. I've been ashamed of all my failures. I have been lucky in one sense, I've married a man that loves me and have 3 great children [9/7/5]. 5Years ago after I delivered my daughter I had to have back surgery due to the fact that I slipped 3 discs delivering her. I was 268 lbs. Had back surgery & the doctor says to me ... So when are you going to do something about that weight? I was really surprised because I thought all my turtlenecks, long hair & sense of humor covered it all! Apparently not! Well, I managed to get to a great doctor & dietician that helped me to get to 203 lbs. through diet and exercise. I trained for a triathelon and did it! Then I had marital problems, went back to work full-time and 4 years later I'm here .... crying again ... praying every day that my pants will fit before I put them on. Here is where my journey begins [in this chapter] releasing control to gain back control of my life and for me? That's huge. Sometimes I think I"m just not worth being a 'normal size' I'm not really sure why but it seems that every time I get down to the 75% point I turn around and stop. I'm just not worth being under 200 lbs. Serious issues that need to be resolved within myself. I do know one thing about myself is that I'm so fricking stubborn that I know when I make up my mind - that's it and I'm happy to report that this weekend I finally have ... resolved myself to this knew life that is!! Easy to say before I actually do anything about it! It will be fun to read this as the months tick cause they are coming anyway whether I do something with my life or not!:biggrin: