I got into a 'spirited debate' earlier today.

I have a co worker, shes beautiful. Shes got a beautiful body, and a beautiful face. Shes dumber than a bag of rocks. She wrecked a marriage of another co worker of mine. Shes 19.

No one knows about the surgery I had at work except for Jon, who is my bestie at work, and hes very supportive. Anyway, he also happens to be the one who got wrapped up in this pretty girl.

We we laughing, and joking around the other day, and he mentions this girl, and says she 'gets a free pass for being so pretty, think about it Angelica, shes never had to work as hard as you have'.

Ugh, so true.

In anycase, she and I get to talking, and apparently Jon has told her about my surgery. Fine, I am not ashamed of anything, to be really honest with you. I am happy about my surgery and the progress that I am making. Everything was fine until she said it 'Dont get skinnier than me!'.

Oh Bitch.

Its not ABOUT YOU. Its ABOUT ME. Right?

She then proceeds to tell me that I am going to be the total package, and that I shouldnt 'become a slut when I get skinny'

WTF?

At this point, she gets a concerned look on her face and says, Dont steal Jon from me.

ARGH.

Is that what she thinks, that Fat girls cant possibly be a threat now, even tho your boyfriend has said to be in the past, on many occasions that 'I'd sleep with you in a heartbeat', and 'if I want something to look at, I'll call someone else, I want to have an actual conversation, I will call you'.

This, this is why Skinny girls are afraid of fat girls.

Because they KNOW. They have full understanding that when we slim it down that not only will we appeal to people on a physical level, but all the hard work that we had to do, the sense of humor we had to develop, the intelligence, all of these things that we devloped from working hard, and not getting by scott free with anything.

I dont know is this is always true, if all men are this vapid and shallow, I mean, its a bad example, Jon did cheat on his very beautiful, very thin wife, so maybe he just doesnt get it. I hope all men arent like this.

All the sudden, these things are becoming realistic fears for me. I have been afraid and intimidated by men forever, now they want to interact with me. Now they smile at me in hallways, now they whisper to their friends when I walk by. Sometimes, being invisible like I used to be seems so much easier.

Its all a process, you know?

First, you have to say goodbye to your addiction to food, because your lifestyle HAS to change. you dont have a choice. Secondly, you battle other addictions that try to take its place, like liquor, other stupid things, then youre finally free, and youre working out, and youre doing better.

There are just so many things that I am afraid of these days.

-A

:thumbup: