A week from now, at this moment, I should be several hours out of surgery, maybe out of recovery and in my room. Can't wrap my mind around that!

Last night, I had major cold feet and had serious thoughts about cancelling/postponing my surgery. For some reason, the thought of being in pain (mild-severe, I don't know), gassy, sore, just feeling terrible and possibly going through "what have I done to myself" just was overwhelming. Also, the thought of how to handle food seemed as if it would be too much of a burden, like PB'ing and such. Can I still eat a petite filet and a salad at Ruth's Chris? What about shrimp? Maybe I won't be able to eat those things for a little while, but once I learn to really chew and TAKE MY TIME eating, from what I've read, I most likely will be able to still eat what I've always eaten, only in MUCH smaller amounts.

I worked through those feelings by remembering how every diet I've done the past couple of years have yielded little to zero results. And my baby will be big enough to take to Disney World in a few years(even though I detest DW, I at least don't want to be physically miserable). Do I really want to spend another vacation, any vacation, wasting time and money to get there, only to be holed up in the hotel because I'm too tired to go out and do anything? I'm sick of just being uninterested in doing things in general. I'm very sick of wearing the same 4-5 outfits every season. Mostly track suits at that!

The last thing that entered my mind is that if I back out now, I know myself well enough to know that in a couple of months, I'll think I'm ready to try again. By then, I'll have probably regained my 10lbs that I've lost on this pre-op diet (and probably more) and I'd just have to start pre-op diet all over again. I'm half-way finished. Of course, I'll have a few days/week after surgery of liquids post-op, but I'll be on the downhill stretch then. In my mind, I can survive it knowing it's a necessity (medically speaking) rather than it being a chore, as it has been pre-op.

So, I'm glad I worked through all that and hopefully that will be the last time I have any doubts. I really hope I don't have any regrets during those first few days post-op. Knowing me, I will, so I will just have to remind myself how far I've come and that NO ONE has surgery without some pain and discomfort.