It started this weekend with constipation. I took milk of manganese, 5 Colace and a glycerin depository with no results. After several hours of hurting I woke my husband at midnight go try and find an all night drug store to get me a fleet enema. After giving myself the fleet and waiting for about an hour and half I finally got some relief. I was able to sleep about 2 hours before having to get up and get ready for work. So my day at work was spent hurting, sore and sleepy, Not a GOOD DAY! Now this being Friday and seeing how I have 3 teenage girls, the family had made plans earlier in the week to see the movie “Ice Age Melt Down”. So even tho I am tried and sore I go to the movies. We get there a hour earlier, because I have this thing about getting an aisle seat (no one likes the fat woman to crawl over them) and after standing in line for a while we are told the 8:00 show is sold out!!! Now if you have kids you have to know it is rare that they all want to see the same thing at the same time. Now comes the arguing, everyone wants to see something different and they all start at different times. Needless to say I was in no mood to handle the arguing so we went home without seeing any movie!!

Saturday was our weekly shopping trip to Wal-Mart, I was still ill and sore and was in no mood to go but went any way. Now Wal-Mart rents out part of it’s store to Sub-Way, so you smell fresh baked bread cooking the entire time you shop. If you’re not hungry before you go you will be after. My girls while we are checking out ask if we can eat at Sub-way. So what do I do, I order myself a foot-long roasted chicken with all the trimmings, now you and I both know there is no way I should be able to eat a 6 inch let a lone a foot long but I did. It took me about an hour and a half but I did it. For dessert I had myself 2 chocolate doughnuts that Wal-mart had on sale and sooo sweetly put up front so I wouldn’t miss em.

Now you might be saying to yourself this couldn’t get any worse, ohhhh but wait it gets even better (worse). That same day, I am depressed and pmsing so I sit in front of my computer playing card games eating kit kat candy bars (notice the s) while dipping them into a can of chocolate icing.

That night I was feeling pretty bad about myself due to my lack of self-control and emotional eating. We decide to order pizza and catch a movie on TV, I thinking to myself I will skip the pizza and go with wings as a lesser of the two evils. Now my husband has been at work all day so he has no idea of my binge eating all day. The pizza arrives and he puts 4 large pieces on his plate. I am on my 4th wing, the little drumlette part when he turns at me and ask “Aren’t you full yet?”. Ok here is where very bad turns to horrible for me. At that very moment in time all my angry I was feeling came pouring out of me like a river that had been damned for sometime. Now dare he ask me that, do you know how much meat is one a drumlette?? I yelled at him while hurling my wing at him…..”If you wanted a skinny woman you should have married one”, walked out of the room and didn’t speak to him for 2 days! I was feeling bad enough about myself and then for him to make that comment to me, it was all I could take!

He sent me a dozen roses to work 2 days later saying he was sorry. He has never had a weight problem so he has no idea that trails and pains I go through every day of my life and I know he will never understand. I know he does what he does or says what he says out of “love” but I know also he wants that beautiful thin wife that he can he proud of on his arm when we go out.

I would like to sit here and say this week has been better but to be honest it hasn’t really. I am talking to my husband again but I am still full of angry and depressed. I did go see my doctor yesterday and explain to him that if I could eat a foot-long sub I needed a fill, he agreed. I am scheduled for the 14 of April for my now 2nd fill since my banning feb 8. I ask him about when he would think about taking this blood clot filter out of my vein and said he would like for me to lose at least 50 more pounds, it would be easier and safer.

The February Bandsters have really kept me going this week, I was able to vent and see the humor in some of the stuff that happened this weekend. I don’t know how I would survive this without them. Ok so I had a complete and totally melt-down this weekend, today is yet another day and today I start all over again!