This morning, my weight was 198, so I'm down an even 10 lbs from my pre-op diet. This is day 5. By my surgery date, I'm guessing I'll be around the 20 lb mark, give or take.

It hasn't been easy, but I'm surviving. I really like seeing the numbers dropping, but this is not how I'd choose to do it.

Yesterday, I went to the mall and bought myself a few soft pajama pants for when I'm recovering. I was kind of in a pissy mood though, being in the mall made me hungry. I never noticed the smells from the food court before. Passing by the pretzel stand, the cookie stand, smelling the Chinese food from the food court...I nearly caved. But I didn't. I kept thinking about the cute outfits in Ann Taylor Loft that I would soon be able to wear. And the Lilly Pulitzer clothes I used to love and couldn't wait for new patterns every year. If I give in like a hog and stuff my face, I'll never get to wear any of those things.

I used to love going to the malls and places like Steinmart and boutiques and just buy whatever I damn well wanted to wear. It's been years and years since I've been able to go into a store and buy what I wanted instead of something to just cover my body. Shopping for clothes became a chore instead of something fun. Really, I'm more looking forward to being able to wear my cute clothes from years ago, assuming they aren't dry rotted.

I need to go through my closet and put my fat clothes somewhere. Not all of them, I know I won't be losing weight as fast after the band as I am pre-op. But cleaning out my closet is therapeutic and also constructive. It also keeps me busy and my mind off wanting to eat.