Just back from the doctor. I did another barium swallow, everything fine. I really think the nurse thought I have stretch my pouch, but I hadn't. She then pull all the fluid from my band, low and behold I had just 2.2 cc of fluid. Not much for going and getting a fill every 4 weeks for the the last year. Up till today they put 4.3 cc in the band. That explains why I don't have much restriction. She put the fluid back and gave me another 1 cc. She want to see what I have in there next month, maybe a leak. I hope I don't have a leak, but it would make me fill better. I have been beating myself up for the last seven months or so. I thought I was just not working the band. Sometimes I though I was just crazy, I hope that this works this time. I really want to lose weight.

Last week on Thursday as I was walking into the beauty shop my hip pop or did something funky and now it really hurts to walk. I know the doctors, ortho will not do anything till I lose weight. I joined the Y last week also, so now I just can't walk that good. I'm still thinking of going to the pool, its a warm water pool, but I'm so self conscious about being in a bathing suit. I was hoping the warm water would help with the discomfort.

I hope I do better now. I really want to lose weight. We are to go to Hawaii this fall for our anniversary and I want so much to feel better. I really thought that I would be alot lighter by now. It's been a year on the 3/20/2008 and I've only lost around 30 lbs and I lost that in the first 3 months. I have gain some back but I'm still around 30 lbs. I worry that I made a wrong choice in getting the band, but if its got a leak then maybe I can go forward from here and make a go of it.

Life is not alway fair.