I was talking to my husband last night and mentioned in conversation that I had paid the hospital $150 when I called to pre-register for the tests I am having done next Thursday, 3/6. He flipped!! I couldn't believe it! Mind you, I got a second job about a month ago to help with what I knew was going to be extra expense. So what is his problem? He said he feels like it's just one thing after another and everytime I go they are wanting more money for something. All I have paid out of pocket is $250 as the first half of my program fee and the $150 yesterday. Of course we haven't met our deductible yet since it's so early in the year, so I knew I was going to have to pay at least that $500. I just think there is so much more to it than the money. Is he realizing, like I am, that this is REALLY going to happen now that I am having all the tests and stuff? And why does that scare him? It doesn't make any sense. I thought he would be happy to be getting a hot wife after almost 9 years of marriage. Apaprently I was wrong. His reaction scared me so bad that now, I am really afraid I may just end up single before I reach goal. :biggrin:

Deep breath. Talk about how you will always love him. You aren't going anywhere, just the fat is leaving. Give him time to wrap his head around this. Don't lecture. Just support. He's stressed too.

I agree -- your husband's reaction is probably an outpouring of other emotions related to the upcoming changes.

As the husband of a bander (and now a bander myself) I can tell you, there are a lot of mixed emotions. Sure guys want a hot wife, but there are a lot of concerns that go with that. Most of them are unfounded, but they are still issues that go along with them. For example, once you're hot, you will probably attract the attention of other men as well. That can trigger insecurity and worry in men. A lot of the issues I had with my wife weren't how the surgery was going to affect her, but how it was going to affect ME. When she could only eat 1/2 a cup, how were we going to go out and eat with our friends? My wife and I used to eat out for lunch every day -- what were we going to do after that? My wife prepared all the meals around our house; was she still going to cook for the 3 of us when she's not eating anything?

Like I said, a lot of these fears are unfounded, but these are things I'm sure he's thinking -- I know I was. The best thing you can do is talk to him about how things are going to change, and more imporantly, how things are not going to change.

I agree -- your husband's reaction is probably an outpouring of other emotions related to the upcoming changes.

As the husband of a bander (and now a bander myself) I can tell you, there are a lot of mixed emotions. Sure guys want a hot wife, but there are a lot of concerns that go with that. Most of them are unfounded, but they are still issues that go along with them. For example, once you're hot, you will probably attract the attention of other men as well. That can trigger insecurity and worry in men. A lot of the issues I had with my wife weren't how the surgery was going to affect her, but how it was going to affect ME. When she could only eat 1/2 a cup, how were we going to go out and eat with our friends? My wife and I used to eat out for lunch every day -- what were we going to do after that? My wife prepared all the meals around our house; was she still going to cook for the 3 of us when she's not eating anything?

Like I said, a lot of these fears are unfounded, but these are things I'm sure he's thinking -- I know I was. The best thing you can do is talk to him about how things are going to change, and more imporantly, how things are not going to change.

ajoneen: I agree, we do need to talk. That is so easy to say and so hard to do sometimes. I was hoping he would go with me for my testing Thursday and that would give us plenty of time to talk about things while waiting at the hospital, but no such luck. He has to work. Maybe a nice, quiet dinner at home to help him relax and open up... Thanks for your advice.

HeavyHeartland: So nice to have a man's perspective on this!! It has never occurred to me that he might actually fear the attention I may receive from other men. I just thought he would be flattered because he knows we are together and feel that much more lucky to have me. The only questions he has ever asked about the surgery have had to do with changes, so I have just never thought to discuss the things that aren't going to change. Definitely something we need to talk about. Thanks again for your insight from both perspectives.

Hello I was reading this site because my spouse a (female) is in the process of being band om March 10, 2008.

I support her decesion to have this procedure 100% and it was Her decesion, I love her the way she is now, 212 Ibs. When I met her she was 130 and that was not what I feel in love with and still isn't to this day. I feel and and am in love with who she is , her caring touch, her loving abilty to put others first. Her nourshing personailty. and like other men I suppose being European( German ) , not American. I love it when other men look and find my wife attractive, Tell who would want a person No one looked or desired?

True love and beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Unlike most, my wife and I met online and never had a chance to truly see one another other than Pictures and online photos we sent to one another ( trusting that was who she was) but when I spoke to her daily and sent her flowers for no reason, still do to this day, cards just because, Jewerly to show I love her .I knew she would be the mother of my only child ( and is) and I knew that she was my sole mate. No room for Divorce we both say, there is nt nothing we cannot handle and get through with God's help and support.

When she hurts , I feel it. When she is depressed I share that. So since she is mentally and physically ready for the Lap band I welcome it and will and / do support her and cannot wait till she reaches her desire weight, to see the look on other mea's face and know she is with me, and comes home to me, lol it is all good.

We are a bi-racial family and it is always spicy and fun and creative as well. We have been married 7 years NEVER argued, fussed or fought No need. We both communicate very well, when I talked her into havng a baby at 47 she thought I was nuts, I am 42. I couldnt have asked for a more beautiful Gift than a child, she is as sexy today than she was 85 pounds ago. Even tho she is 85 Ibs it is very important to her to remain sexy, desirable, and loving and caring, and supportive. Family is important to us both and we both are important to each other.

I still share the house work, laundry and cooking and I enjoy being a father and spouse, Most American men would say I am in touch with my female side maybe it was how I was raised. My parents never argued and I enjoyed having a father and mother that I never saw fussed , fight and Dad did everything Mom did so why cant I.

My darling wife , Kourtney always siad" she could tell alot about me in how I treat my mother" she said she knew I was going to treat her well too. So all men are not alike. I dont fear my wife having attention from other Men or women. We are secure with one another and our self.

Suppose we are Lucky some would say, I say Blessed.

I cannot wait till she has had the surgery if it is spicy now, OMG what so I have to look forward too. (smile).

She is like Hot Chocolate on a stick, mmm mmmmmmm good.

Kourtney's Spouse Ronny

Good Luck to you all

I love you more today than Yesterday, Kourtney, Smooches Your spouse Ronny