It's all little stuff, but still...
I'm down to 4 days now. All week I was just "off" at work. I was occupying space, putting on a good show but really didn't get much done. That will bite me in the butt when I get back because I'm the only one who does what I do. My desk is going to be FULL when I return. I usually am more on the ball when I know I will be out of the office. I have to let that go. My mind can't really focus on anything. I keep shoving down my worries on the band. I've done alot of research on the band and my Dr. I know what I'm getting into. But still. I've never really been sick, never hospitalized. The idea of being told to "stay" just isn't sitting with me. I wish this could have been outpatient. I know some people have had it that way but it's not available around here. I'm freaking out about the catheter, having to take my wedding ring off, about staying overnight, about having an IV in so long. Getting my period, which is not due but everyone says will happen anyways because of stress or the Heparin. I will not wear that gown walking up and down the halls. It's all little stuff, but still...
On top of this a couple we haven't seen in a while invited us to dinner tomorrow night. They don't know and I'm not sure I want to share. Do I go and have soup and say Im babying a bad stomach? If I say no then Im limiting my husbands social life. I don't want him to resent my choice of the band already.
Ok that's enough. I'm going to have a hard enough time getting to sleep already.
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